Jacob said, “Being arrested would have been consistent with my self-image. I was in the nadir period of my life. I was smoking weed and taking pills and screwing around and screwing up. I was out of control. Thank God, you got to me first.” He looked up. “That’s a compliment.”

“Thank you.” Decker stared at him, as if looking at a stranger. “You didn’t tell me you were taking pills.”

He waved Decker off.

“What else didn’t you tell me?”

Jacob threw his head back. “You’re a good guy, Dad. You try to be understanding. But even good guys have their limits.” He faced his stepfather. “I’m scaring the hell out of you, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“I hate everything and everyone,” Jacob said. “I’m furious all the time. But I’m the problem, not the world. I’m trying to channel it all into constructive endeavors. Probably sounds like a crock of crud to you, but it’s true.”

Decker was quiet.

Jacob looked away. “I really am trying. For Eema, especially, because she deserves better. I haven’t touched anything chemical beyond an aspirin in six months. I’m doing well in school. I’m still working the suicide hot line once a week. I feed the homeless once a month. I am trying! But it’s hard!”

Decker put his hand on his son’s shoulder. He leaned over and kissed his forehead. “What can I do for you, Jacob?”

He shook his head. “I guess you can just keep doing what you’re doing. Like not freaking when I tell you these things.”

“It’s hard,” Decker said. “Inside, I’m freaking pretty badly.”

The teen pushed his plate away and closed the book. “You’ve seen a lot of psychos in your day, right?”

“Right.”

“Do I fit the profile?”

Decker didn’t dare contemplate the thought. “No.”

Jacob smiled with watery eyes. “You’re just being nice.”

“You have a conscience,” Decker said. “Psychos don’t. But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t do damage if you blew.”

“I know that.”

“Were you just spouting off at Ruby Ranger or did you really mean it?”

“At the time, I think I really meant it. She’s a bad person. She defends people like Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot. When I threatened her, she played it real cool. In truth, I think she liked it. I know she liked it. She got excited—aroused. Her nipples got hard.”

“That could have been fear.”