But Sister Tabitha is not alone when I enter her office, sharp sunlight stabbing my eyes as it pours through three large windows that overlook the village. Harry is there with her, his arms straight by his sides, hands clenched into fists. Travis is dead, I suddenly think. I was told he had turned for the worse and here is his brother looking solemn and sad and I almost sink to my knees.

“I have news,” Sister Tabitha tells me and I nod because my vocal cords are being eaten away with acid tears.

“Harry has spoken for you, Mary,” she tells me.

I whip my head around to face Harry. I can feel my eyebrows draw together with shock and anger. I cannot believe this could be the truth. Why would he speak for me now when he hadn't done so before, when it would have mattered and when I could have said yes and meant it?

Back when I didn't know love and could have been happy with admiration and acceptance?

“But the Sisterhood,” I stammer. This cannot be happening.

“I have given him my blessing. So has your brother, Jed,” Sister Tabitha says. “You are needed more out there as a wife and mother than in here as a Sister.” Her sharp eyes bore into me. “We both know you are ill-suited for the Sisterhood.” The world swirls around me and I have nothing to cling to in order to make it right. All I can think about is Travis and how it felt to press against his body that night. How can I ever be with his brother after that?

“You will marry at Brethlaw in the spring,” she continues. “With Travis and Cassandra,” she adds as if she doesn't know that she is breaking my heart.

“My duties to God…,” I begin to ask, even though I don't believe in God.

“Will be served by doing His will and making sure our village thrives through another generation,” she finishes.

She means having children with Harry. My stomach clenches at the thought of it. I think of his hand holding mine under the water the day that my mother was infected. I think about the way his flesh looked, puffy and white and wrong.

I open my mouth, ready to reject his courtship. But then I realize that doing so will tie my fate to the Sisterhood forever, will condemn me to a life inside these walls in service to God and Sister Tabitha.

My mind whirls, trying to determine which is the better choice, which the better fate: life as wife to Harry or life as a Sister. Neither one bringing me closer to Travis.

“Would you two like a moment alone together to speak?” she asks us.

I glance at Harry, not caring that pain and rage and desolation radiate from my body. He looks at me, his expression soft, his hands no longer fisted. It seems as if he's leaning forward, about to take a step closer to me. I feel my muscles tense and shake in response.