“And it took me so long to get to a place where I felt healthy in my relationship. If Ashley hadn’t been as kind and as patient as she is, then we’d be doomed. Because it was so easy for me to see Dad in the mirror, and I bet that it’s easy for you to see Mom, isn’t it?” Michael lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m not perfect; I made mistakes. But I went with Dad because I thought he needed me. The divorce fucked with him too. It fucked with all of us.”

Why am I even having this conversation? I’m not interested in unpacking our parents’ divorce, or which of them would have possibly been the better parent. Once the papers were signed, Dad barely talked to me. And after my transition, he stopped.

“We’ve all made mistakes,” Michael says. “Some forgivable. Some not. Ultimately, what Dad did to you, the things he put Mom through—it’s not worth forgiving. That’s why he’s not here. But there’s a reason Mom is here.”

I look at Michael long and hard. There’s something in his expression, something that I can tell he hasn’t told me yet.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“It’s my fault,” he says.

“What?”

“That you were sent to Steerfield, that you’re so angry with Mom.”

“What?” I repeat.

“It’s my fault.”

I stare at him, unable to fully process what he’s telling me.

“Are you fucking serious, Michael?”

“She didn’t know what to do, dude. You were so much trouble; she didn’t know what to do with you. And after you were arrested, she was so scared of what might happen to you. I knew about Steerfield because of Josh. So I suggested it.”

“You’re the one who sent me away?”

“If that’s how you want to look at it.”

“How the fuck else am I supposed to look at it?”

Michael’s getting frustrated. “You can look at it however you want, but you were out of control. Sneaking out of the house, getting into clubs. You mouthed off whenever you got a chance, skipped your classes, stole a car. I’ve never seen a fourteen-year-old more out of control, I mean … seriously.”

I can’t say a word because I know that he’s right. I was a hellion, a wild child.

Out of control.

I felt the world owed me everything, that everyone owed me something. But that’s not how the world works.