Something about the commercials being a part of the magic? I dunno.

There isn’t much magic to be found in the movie I’m being forced to watch.

“So, this is the first one?”

“Yeah.”

“But where is Carrie Fisher?”

“No, that’s A New Hope. This is The Phantom Menace.”

“What does any of that mean?”

“This is the first chronologically. A New Hope was the first one released.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“What could you possibly not understand?”

I actually do get it, kind of. It’s just funny to watch Wyatt get worked up over Star Wars. We sit there, watching the movie, and I can feel my eyes glazing over at all the political talk. Then there’s a loud knocking at the door.

“Yo! Buttplugs, open up!” Lindsay shouts. She stumbles her way in after I’ve unlocked the door for her. “I went to Target and grabbed as much as I could,” she says, dumping the snacks on the coffee table. There’s Oreos, Chips Ahoy!, gummy bears and worms, chips, popcorn, boxes of chocolate—which includes the most important candy ever, cookie dough bites. I grab that box before it even hits the table, stuffing it into the freezer to get nice and cold.

“What are you dorks doing?” Lindsay asks.

Wyatt grabs the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. “Watching a movie.”

Lindsay watches the screen, witnessing Anakin’s podrace in all its CGI glory.

“What the actual fuck is going on?”

“Star Wars,” he says.

“That’s not Daisy Ridley or John Boyega.”

“It’s before those.”

“Then it’s not worth it. That long-haired dude isn’t nearly as hot.”

“That’s Liam Neeson.”

Despite her reservations, Lindsay plops down on the couch, ripping open the back of gummy worms before she grabs the remote. “Okay, the dorky shit is done.” Lindsay turns the television off, then turns it back on when she sees how offended Wyatt looks. “The compromise is that I’m putting it on mute.”

“Fair.”

Lindsay digs around in her purse and pulls out this fresh deck of UNO cards.

“You stole those, didn’t you?” I ask her, taking my now-chilled cookie dough bites out of the freezer.

Lindsay looks at me, this shocked expression on her face. “I resent that implication!”

“That’s not a no.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t steal them. I said I resented that that was your first thought.”

“Unbelievable.” I help Wyatt clear off the coffee table and take a pillow from the couch to sit on. “Watch your back, Wyatt. She’s vicious.”

“I’ve played a game or two myself.” Wyatt takes the stack of cards, slicing the deck and folding it back together effortlessly. He perfectly shuffles the cards together, dealing the eight that we need and laying the played card on the table.

“Okay, I’m a little afraid now,” Lindsay says, picking up her cards.