“I’m not going to say you’re wrong, but I’m also not going to say you’re right.”

“Whatever, I didn’t call you just so you can judge my decisions, Samuel.”

“No, wait. Wait.” Samuel shakes his head, and I hear his characters shouting a spell from the speakers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to judge you like that. But you’ve got to admit that this is pretty wild.”

“I know, I know.” I put my free hand over my eyes. “I’m realizing I’m in over my head.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” he says. “But … these feelings? That’s what you called about?”

“Yeah.”

“So the dating isn’t fake anymore?”

“I don’t know—that’s the thing,” I tell him. “A week ago, I couldn’t stand his ass. He was annoying, uptight, always sticking his nose in my business. And now …”

“You’re in love with him?”

“I’m not going to say you’re right … but I’m also not going to say you’re wrong.”

“You’ve never really had a crush before?”

“No, not really.”

“Even with Josh?”

“That wasn’t a crush,” I say. “That was just … two people who happened to be near each other and horny enough to do something about it. I blame my patches.”

“Yeah. T will do that to you. But wanting affection is a fairly average human experience, dude.”

“Can we please avoid the topic of Josh for the rest of this phone call?”

“Well, he’s our one example here.”

“He’s not an example, he’s just …”

“The only example, like I said.”

“Whatever.”

“Why do you think you like Wyatt now? What’s changed? You said it yourself, you hated the guy a week ago.”

“I don’t know. I mean, nothing’s really changed except …”

“You got to know him.”

“I don’t even think it’s a crush. It’s probably just gas, or my patches.” Without even thinking, I go to carefully scratch my arm where the patch I put on this morning is still stuck.

“Well, you’ve always been a sucker for a guy with blue eyes.”

“Wyatt’s eyes are green.”

“Interesting.” Samuel hums.

“What?”

“The evidence is adding up.”

“What evidence?”

“I’m not ready to present my findings to the court yet, Your Honor.”

“I called you to help me. If you can’t do that, then—”

“Okay, okay, let me just …” Samuel bites the tip of his tongue, and his eyes light up as the celebratory theme from the game plays. “Done! Puh-lease let this be a decent drop.”

“Samuel.”

“I’m getting to you, but the game was here first.”

“Sam.”

He knows I’m serious when I call him Sam.

“New enchantment, nice. Almost to level ninety too. Okay.” Samuel finally sets the controller down. “I’m done.”

“Thanks.”

“Why did you even call me, Neil?”

“For advice.”