I feel Wyatt’s hand on the small of my back, rubbing circles there. It reminds me of when I was little, when Mom would scratch my back when her nails were long. I always fell asleep on Dad’s side of the bed, so he’d go to the couch.

“I’m sorry.” I wipe my eyes with the hoodie sleeve. “For unloading all of that onto you.”

Wyatt stays silent.

“I thought I got all this shit out in therapy, but I guess not.”

“Neil.” He says my name softly, like a prayer. “I hope you know that I like you a lot.”

What’s happening?

“And that being here with you the last few days, well … I’m just glad that we’re friends now.”

Oh. Friends.

“And I’m glad that you invited me on this trip. Even if your plan is totally batshit.”

“Yeah. I’m glad we’re friends too.”

“Sorry, I’m, uh … not that great with words and feelings and stuff, I guess.”

“Don’t you want to be a singer?” I tease.

“I never said I was going to write the songs. But … I hope you know that you deserve better. I know loads of people will tell you family is everything or whatever. And it is, but that doesn’t mean family has to be the people you’re related to.”

I’d considered that, of course I’d considered that.

For others.

But never really for myself.

“And, hey, you can come over to my house any time you want. On breaks or during the summer or whatever. I’m sure my moms would love to have you.”

I give Wyatt a glance.

What did I ever do to deserve a boy so kind?

“Thank you, Wyatt,” I say. “For everything.”

I want to kiss him.

I want to kiss him until I run out of breath, until our lips are chapped, until our skin is rubbed raw. I want to kiss him like I’m dying, like he’s the only other person I’ll ever kiss again, like it’s the last day on Earth and we’ve got hours to spare. I want to kiss him like I never kissed Josh.

I want to kiss him more than anything I’ve ever wanted.

But I don’t.

Because I don’t want to ruin a good thing.

I finally have someone I feel like I can be open with, someone I can tell things to, someone who understands. Wyatt has learned more about me in the last four days than most of my friends ever have.

The only one who comes close is …

Josh.

And look how that turned out.

He wanted me.

But I couldn’t give myself to him.

Because I was afraid.

Because I was stupid and afraid.

I don’t want to ruin things with Wyatt. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

I just got him.