Samuel’s thick brow furrows, but his eyes never leave his monitor. “I’m so confused right now.”

“The guy I think I like is Wyatt.”

“Yeah … that’s why you’re dating.”

“We aren’t dating.”

“What?” Then it’s like the next minute or so plays out in slow motion. I watch the realization dawn on Samuel’s face as he adds everything up. “Holy fucking shit.”

I hear a thud, which I can only assume is him setting the controller down, and he finally stares at me in the camera.

“Holy fucking shit.”

“Shut up.”

“Holy shit.”

“Samuel.”

“What the fuck, dude?” Then Samuel looks away. “Oh shit, I’m dying.”

“Nice to know just how important I am.”

“Sorry, I waited in a queue for thirty minutes before enough people joined the party. I can’t give this up.”

“Right, I definitely know what that means.”

“Wait … so the entire thing is fake. You and Wyatt, you’re faking that entire thing?”

“It’s a long story.”

“You’re doing it to get Josh off your back, aren’t you?”

Well, I guess the story isn’t that long. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“God, you’re like a supervillain.”

“I’m doing what I have to do.”

“Now you really sound like a supervillain.”

“It was the best way to get Josh to forget about me, to get over his feelings.”

“I’m not going to say you’re wrong, but I’m also not going to say you’re right.”

“Whatever, I didn’t call you just so you can judge my decisions, Samuel.”

“No, wait. Wait.” Samuel shakes his head, and I hear his characters shouting a spell from the speakers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to judge you like that. But you’ve got to admit that this is pretty wild.”

“I know, I know.” I put my free hand over my eyes. “I’m realizing I’m in over my head.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” he says. “But … these feelings? That’s what you called about?”

“Yeah.”

“So the dating isn’t fake anymore?”

“I don’t know—that’s the thing,” I tell him. “A week ago, I couldn’t stand his ass. He was annoying, uptight, always sticking his nose in my business. And now …”

“You’re in love with him?”

“I’m not going to say you’re right … but I’m also not going to say you’re wrong.”

“You’ve never really had a crush before?”

“No, not really.”

“Even with Josh?”

“That wasn’t a crush,” I say. “That was just … two people who happened to be near each other and horny enough to do something about it. I blame my patches.”

“Yeah. T will do that to you. But wanting affection is a fairly average human experience, dude.”

“Can we please avoid the topic of Josh for the rest of this phone call?”

“Well, he’s our one example here.”

“He’s not an example, he’s just …”

“The only example, like I said.”

“Whatever.”

“Why do you think you like Wyatt now? What’s changed? You said it yourself, you hated the guy a week ago.”