When Grandma died, Aunty Maisie sort of took over as a mother to my dad, who was fond of her, but I think, like all of us, quite frightened of her too. She was very tall and very square. Her thick steel-grey hair formed a helmet of frozen waves. She wore waisted floral dresses with skinny belts that were almost entirely lost in the folds between the enormous rolls of her chest and belly. She wore black orthopaedic shoes well shone but always worn down on the outside edges, contributing to the rocking motion of her stride.

On her fingers was a collection of old diamond rings Mum said she bullied Uncle Rob into buying her, even though they didn’t really have the money. Uncle Rob had died fairly young. Dad said it was from asbestos dust from between the floors of a department store in Rundle Street. The gaps between the floors were used as storage, where they kept all the spare racks and the stuff to choose from to dress the floors, and Uncle Rob spent a lot of time in them.

Mum said he died from sheer desperation.

Aunty Maisie was famous amongst the kids in our family for saying ‘Self-praise is no recommendation’, and ‘If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you’.

She had a very scary dark bathroom that had pink and black tiles, and we were all especially scared of the black bath, which Mum said was the height of fashion, but which we thought was like a big coffin. Her toilet seat was very high off the ground too, which meant you had to climb up a bit to get on it. Caleb tended to miss whether he climbed on or stood up, which made Aunty Maisie cross. As a result, he wet his pants quite a few times at her house because that seemed less scary.

Two things were nice about visiting her though. She had a lovely dog called Fudge who was a collie with a beautiful copper and white coat. And Grandpa lived in the sunroom out the back, and although he didn’t talk to us much, we all loved him and used to hang around his door hoping he would invite us in and give us a butterscotch lolly or even let us sit on his knee. Even though I’m not one for people touching me, I liked sitting on Grandpa’s knee. He was a huge old man with a white moustache, an enormous nose, ears full of white hair, and an English accent because he hailed from Bristol. That’s what he used to tell us – he hailed from Bristol. I wanted to tell someone I hailed from Rostrevor, but I always forgot to say that when I had the chance.

When I heard Aunty Maisie come into the ladies’ toilet, I decided it would be better to stay exactly where I was. It was bad enough that Mum had dragged me by the ear into the lane after the service to tell me off. I didn’t need Aunty Maisie having a go at me as well.