‘They believe that they were once shapeless and formless spirits who lived in the sky, among the stars, and fell to earth many centuries ago. Their spirits inhabited first the insects, then the lower animals, and finally took on the human form they now possess. They consider their birth defects to be evidence that they are trying to evolve into a new, higher form. They believe that somewhere in the forest there is a great tree that they will one day climb and return to their homeland in the stars. Until the loggers discovered them they thought that the forest was the entire world and they were the only people in it. Interestingly their word for it is the same as their word for the colour green. And they refer to the world as the green. They believe existence is divided into two realms, the green and the blue. The earth and the sky … Any questions?’

TV Boy snapped a large pair of black plastic-framed glasses over the wire ones and plopped a baseball cap on top of his head. The cap was studded with badges. Blue spotted a pyramid with an eye hovering above it, and a standard ‘grey’ alien with bulging black eyes. There was a small cheer from the local kids; it was clear that this next character was a favourite of theirs.

‘Ah, huh, yes, hi, my name’s Buddy Dumpster and I have a question, sir …’ TV Boy was using a nerdy American voice. ‘Ahm, it is indubitably clear from your, ahm, talk, that the Ingathmer, sorry, Ignumther, in the forest there, the Ingumper, the Forest Gumper, the Nerdy Dumpster, the, ahm, I’ll get it … In-math-ger! There. I got it. It is indubitably clear that they are space aliens from outer space. Indubitably so. Or at least, if they’re not, ahm, extraterrestrials, they are indubitably descended from the same extraterrestrials who built the pyramids of the Incas as well as the ones in Egypt and the ruins of Angkor Wat in Cambodia, Stonehenge and quite possibly Westfield shopping centre. Indubitably so.’

Off came the plastic glasses and the cap and TV Boy was back to being Professor Ian Livingstone.

‘That’s a lovely notion, Mister Dumpster, but sadly untrue. The Inmathger are the same as you and me. They’re human beings.’

A voice came from the back of the platform. Blue couldn’t see who it was, but thought it might be one of Trinity.

‘Gabba gabba, we accept you, we accept you, one of us.’

It was joined by another voice. ‘Ain’t nobody here but us chickens.’

And soon there was a hubbub as all the local kids joined in.

‘We’re beans, I tell you, human beans.’

‘What is the law?’

‘Are we not men? If you cut us, do we not bleed?’

‘Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.’

‘What is the law?’

‘Not to go on all fours, that is the law.’