Chloe looks around the party. She doesn’t see me, and I can take her in without having to pretend that I’m not.

I take another drink and find my cup empty again. “Yo, Fresh.”

The three freshmen all look to me at once. “Get me another Jack.” I hold up my cup. “And whatever my girl wants.” I point toward Chloe but seems they already know my business because they don’t look to see who I mean.

She’s spotted me now and lifts her hand in greeting. I give the smallest of waves with a single pinky finger. The freshmen approach her and there’s some back and forth before one of them leaves carrying my cup and hopefully going inside to fill it. Chloe starts toward me, and I’ve got a weird mixture of excitement and dread coursing through me.

“I feel like I don’t understand what’s happening here. First off, I have no idea how you convinced that gorgeous girl to go out with you, and second—if she really is your girlfriend you should look a lot happier right now. Like get down on your knees and kiss the ground happy.”

When she’s right in front of me, staring down at me with confusion, my chest tightens.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asks, looking between me and Joel.

I don’t budge or speak, but Joel is a gentleman and gets to his feet. “Hi, I’m Joel, nice to meet you.”

“Chloe. Same.”

“Ah, you’re the new volleyball chick. Heard about you.”

Her face looks a little panicked until Joel adds, “You had a good season at Golden last year.”

She nods.

“Well, welcome. Can I get you something to drink?” He takes a step toward the house.

“I got it covered,” I say as I spot Fresh coming out with two cups.

“Alright then. Have fun. Play nice, you two.”

Chloe doesn’t wait for an invitation to take Joel’s seat. “Everything okay?”

I nod and Fresh hands Chloe her drink and then me mine and hurries off. I take another long drink, reveling in the burn.

There’s a perfect amount of alcohol that does two things. One, it gives me blinders so that the only thing on my mind is the present. Not my dead dad, my depressed mother, or my brother who is basically raising himself. And two, it allows me to sleep dreamlessly.

Too little and I lie in bed with a thousand thoughts racing through my head and too much and I wake up in a cold sweat reliving the worst day of my life.

I don’t understand psychology and the brain, but I know there’s a perfect amount of Jack that will get that bitch drunk enough to just settle in for a good time without slapping me in the face later.