I listen to her go on and on about my former team, and I’m filled with such longing and sadness I forget to guard against the onslaught of emotions, namely anger, that comes when I remember why I’m not there finishing out my college volleyball career on the best team in the country. The niggling doubt that maybe I never really belonged there isn’t easy to push away either.

Maybe I earned my spot at Golden, maybe I didn’t. Even I’m not sure anymore. If my parents were willing to buy my way into the college, who’s to say they weren’t also making sure I was getting to play? I hate that I don’t know for sure if I ever truly belonged there in the first place.

“Tenley isn’t you, but she’s doing alright.” Tenley is the girl who took my place as Camila’s new partner.

“Thanks for saying so even if it’s not true. I hate the idea of someone else being paired with you.”

“That makes two of us.” I watch the background change as she walks through campus. Valley’s not so different, but it’s not home.

“What are your weekends going to be like? Any chance you can come visit in a few weeks?”

“I’m not sure,” I tell her honestly, but I leave out my misgivings about going back. Camila knows I didn’t have anything to do with the scandal that got me kicked out, but not everyone is as understanding as her. And the only people who dislike me more than my teammates at Valley are those people at Golden who blame me for my parents’ actions.

“I gotta go,” she says. “I just walked into class. Think about visiting. I miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

She puckers her lips to the screen and then she’s gone.

I take what’s left of my sandwich and eat it on the way to my last class for the day. I find it without getting lost, and I’m so relieved to be in my seat before the professor starts talking that I slump into my chair and let out a sigh.

I feel eyes on me and look over to see Sydney and Emily a few seats down. I give them a small wave and notice Emily staring from me to a spot just behind me with a strange expression. I turn in my seat just a fraction and look over my shoulder and right into Nathan’s cocky grin.

Those lips say everything without forming a single sound. Starting with fancy seeing you here and ending with a thousand impossibly dirty reminders of our night together.