When I don’t answer, she pulls away and looks up at me. “I’ve been replaying it over and over and I still don’t understand.”

“I’m so sorry.” It’s all I can manage. No idea where to start or what to say and knowing there’s likely not an explanation she’s going to like.

She wipes under her eyes. “Are you using?”

“No. Hell no.” I’d like to be offended she’d think that, but I can’t really blame her. I take a deep breath. “I worked for Frank, Chloe. For almost two years, I sold for him. It’s how I sent money back to my family. I was desperate and reckless. Coach caught me with drugs in my locker right before the school year started and I stopped. I haven’t dealt at all since you’ve known me, and I didn’t know Frank gave you the book until today when he texted me. I would never knowingly put you in a position like that.”

“But you would put yourself in that position?”

“Not anymore. I have too much to lose now. I screwed up. My life before you…” I shake my head. “I did a lot of dumb things that I can’t take back, but it’s not who I am anymore. Please tell me you know that I’m not that guy.”

“Honestly.” She lifts both shoulders and lets them fall. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“Yeah.” My voice sounds like I swallowed razor blades — my insides feel like it, too. “I guess I deserve that.”

“I think I just need some time and space. We jumped into this so fast. What do we really know about each other?”

“Everything that matters.”

She tilts her head to the side and regards me seriously. “You know that’s not true.”

“It is true, though. You might not know my past, but you know me. I’ve never been more myself than I am with you.”

“Even when you were lying to my face?” Her words twist in my gut. She smiles sadly. “I know that you didn’t mean for this to happen, but it did, and you can’t take it back.”

“What can I do?” Gabby asks from my doorway the next afternoon. I was up all night, but I’m not tired.

“Take this away from me. It’s not helping.” I hold out the bottle of Jack without getting up. I’m flat on my back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I thought I could drink away the pain and then pass out and forget it ever happened. I was wrong or maybe I can, but I don’t want to. I need to figure out how to fix this.

She takes the bottle from my outstretched hand, sets it on the floor, and then climbs onto the bed and lies beside me.