After Coach confiscated the textbook and informed Emily she’d be paired with Liz, I was dismissed to the sidelines.

Bri’s gone back to hating me. She hasn’t even attempted to speak to me. Emily either; I think she was more shocked than anyone. I’d nearly forgotten what it was like to live with people who were repulsed by my existence.

The silence around me is a reminder of what my life was like when I first got to Valley and how much things have changed. Gradual change feels like it isn’t change at all until you compare it to where you started.

Two months ago, I wasn’t sure who I was or what I was capable of. I couldn’t reconcile which parts of my life had been earned and which had been bought for me. Now? Now I know I deserve to be here. I feel it deep in my bones and with every fiber of my being. Having something taken away when you’ve earned it hurts so much worse than when it’s been bought.

My phone vibrates in my hands and I look down to see Nathan’s name flashing on the screen. I’d been replaying the conversation with Frank over and over in my head all day for clues. Why was Frank giving Nathan a textbook filled with drugs? And why had Frank used me as a proxy? And the last one that bothered me the most, did Nathan know?

He’d called at least a dozen times, which was enough to doubt his innocence. Then there was the single text that told me everything and nothing.

Nathan: I’m so sorry. I can explain.

I sit up straight as the bus pulls into the parking lot outside Ray Fieldhouse. Sydney offers me a reassuring smile that I try and return. Everything is going to be okay. I didn’t do anything wrong. I repeat those things hoping I’ll believe it by the time I face Coach. But when it’s just me and her left, I give up on hope and force myself into action.

Silently, I follow Coach inside and through the locker room to her office. She flips on the light illuminating the small space in a fluorescent haze.

She drops her shoulder bag on the desk and removes the sunglasses and visor from her head. I take a seat while she gets settled in. I interlace my fingers in my lap and squeeze to let out some nervous energy. When she finally sits down, I brace myself for the worst but am prepared to fight to stay on this team. I deserve to be here. I know that now, but I also know that some things are out of my control. There are consequences for every action, fault or not.