“She’s me. Darquesse is my true name. Back then, she only came out when my life was in danger. I needed her to come out to stop Lord Vile, so I had to make you try to kill me. This particular story has a happy ending, though, because after a really messy fight, Darquesse went away and Vile went away, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except you, who went into an induced coma.”

“A coma? They put me in a coma? Why?”

“You’re the Death Bringer, one of the two most powerful Necromancers who have ever lived. And you were unstable, both magically and … mentally.”

Melancholia blinked at her. “Harsh.”

“But true.”

“But still harsh. So I’ve been in a coma for … how long?”

“A year and a half.”

Her eyes widened. “What? A year and a half? What the hell?”

“They had to do it.”

“A year and a half?”

“Please calm down. If you don’t calm down, they’ll come in here and sedate you.”

Melancholia stared at her, then did her best to relax. “Wow. Eighteen months. That’s … So I’m twenty-two. I am twenty-two years old. Right. That’s a bit of a shock.”

“I’d say so.”

“So what did I, you know, what did I miss? Anything good?”

“Over the last year and a half?” Valkyrie said. “Well, the Necromancers kind of retreated into their temples. There was this guy called Argeddion and he wanted to make all the mortals magic. We stopped him, don’t worry. You missed a war between our Sanctuary and virtually the whole world. Erskine Ravel betrayed us, killed Ghastly Bespoke and Anton Shudder. Now China Sorrows is in charge and everyone is doing pretty much what we tell them. Oh, also, there are aliens now.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“I hate you so much.”

“But everything else is true. And Darquesse – and this has just happened over the last few weeks – Darquesse kind of took me over and killed a load of people, but now she’s out and she’s inhabiting my reflection’s body and we think she’s going to destroy the world.”

“So now there’s another you out there—”

“Not me.”

“So now there’s someone out there who looks like you and sounds like you and is, in fact, you, except she’s evil, and you need to stop her, and that’s why I’ve been woken up. Right?”

“Basically.”

In spite of everything, Melancholia smiled. “So you have an evil twin.”

“She’s not my twin,” said Valkyrie, “she’s just … I mean, OK, evil, sure, you can call her evil, but she’s not, I wouldn’t call her … Why are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry, but that’s just really funny. So why do you need me? Can’t your skeleton friend just turn into Vile and go after her?”