“I’d have been disappointed with you and ashamed of myself. Men look at me, but they never start anything. I’m grateful for that. Murray and I have been to parties where we’ve seen people operating, breaking up clinches when we came into the kitchen, but I couldn’t handle it. I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve never been interested—today excluded. I’d be terribly afraid. I was afraid when I walked into the hotel just now.”

Leland thought of the way MacIver had treated Norma. “Today you were playing a game, you said.”

“Yes.” She was getting upset. “I told you. I know this much: I wouldn’t have told you anything about him if I had really wanted what I had said.”

She did not know the difficulty she was having, trying to convince him about herself. Norma was in many ways far less appealing, and MacIver had treated Norma like a queen. No one did anything without a reason. Leland did not like himself for what he was about to do. Perhaps what was worst about it was that he had to keep up the friendly, understanding presentation; a slip, too much pressure, and she would do what he would expect of himself, push away from the table and walk out.

“Betty, what I don’t understand is why you have trouble believing what you think of yourself. I didn’t have to be told that men look at you, because I looked at you myself. You should take it as a compliment that we don’t bother you. Some women go all their lives without getting a measure of respect from men. You worry about people you don’t know. You tear yourself down when you have no reason to be concerned.”

“I told you I was an only child. My parents watched over me and I didn’t have close friends. Part of that wasn’t my fault, because the people we knew were those who brought us our livelihood. My parents were always nice to them and it intimidated me. I didn’t know it at the time; I realized it later, after I was married to Colin, when we were breaking up.”

She stopped to light a cigarette. The meal was over. He was hungry enough to eat, but he was too involved in what he had to do. She fanned at the tangle of smoke and said, “I’ve learned that there are things you discover when you’re under emotional strain that are useful to know but awfully hard to apply. I know I’m not gregarious. I don’t go up to people. I’ve seen it done and I know how to do it. I just can’t. I feel ridiculous when I try.