‘I do. It was awful last time she came. She didn’t want to be here, I could see that. We got on her nerves, and everything about the island bored her. It was like she had sawdust in her mouth.’ Even the church that Jenna had loved seemed shabby and ordinary through the eyes of her new faith; her daughter chose a different sort of worship now, in a world of which her family knew nothing, and when she had asked Jenna to explain it to her, all she had said was that her faith was like a stained glass window: only beautiful from the inside. In that moment, God forgive her, she had despised her daughter. Jenna had chosen a spiritual life, and yet it seemed to Nora that all the spirit had been knocked out of her, with her folded hands and her downcast eyes; at times, she had longed to strike her simply to get a reaction, to catch a glimpse of the defiant little girl who feared nothing and had always known her own mind. ‘I’m relieved I don’t have to go through that again, Emily,’ she admitted. ‘It’s the only thing I’ve got now, the knowledge that we made her happy once. I don’t want that spoilt.’

‘Nothing can take that away. You couldn’t have given her any more love, you or Tom. If anything, you gave her the courage to go her own way.’ 68

The thought didn’t comfort Nora. ‘It’s just not what I ever imagined for her,’ she said. ‘For her, or for us.’

‘I know.’

Nora sighed, conscious of time slipping away. ‘I’d better get back to the castle,’ she said. ‘Moaning won’t change anything.’ She picked up the nativity figure and turned to go, but now that she had begun to talk about her feelings, it was hard to stop. She and Tom avoided the subject these days, too numb to risk another of the fights that had shaken their marriage to its core, and the simple understanding coming from one mother to another was seductive. ‘I keep thinking about all the things I’ll never have,’ she admitted. ‘I know it’s selfish, and I know that any sacrifices I’ve had to make are so insignificant compared to what Jenna is giving up, but still I can’t help it.’

‘Why should you? It’s hard to be selfless about sacrifices that other people make on your behalf, no matter how much you love them.’