“I was as good a mother as I could be, still being queen,” she returned.

“Yes, and your mention of it makes me think you have issue with it,” I replied. “You are queen. I am your daughter, thus you are also my mother. You could not be less of one and more of the other. Who would that have served?”

Her hand squeezed mine.

“I made a grave mistake with you and your sister,” she whispered.

I did not wish to talk of Serena.

I said nothing.

“I did not know, you were so young, but if I had taken more time with the both of you—”

It was with that, I squeezed her hand. “Mum, don’t do this. It serves no purpose.”

“You don’t lie abed in an abandoned cottage in the mountains of bloody Airen, of all places, dying, Elena. You do not know what purpose I need served.”

I pressed my lips together, and I did this in order not to smile.

That was my mother.

That was also my mum.

“You find this amusing?” she demanded.

“I hate to bear these sad tidings, but sometimes I found you funny when you were being arrogant.”

“This was not lost on me,” she replied.

I shrugged, trying very hard not to grin at her.

“May I say what I wanted to say now?” she inquired.

“Of course,” I murmured.

“I have spoken with Julia, Agnes and Lucinda, other elders, healers, teachers, captains. It is known my will. And that is, you will be named Queen of the Nadirii at my passing.”

With that, my fingers around hers automatically curled so strongly, I had to force my grip to relax.

“Mother,” I whispered.

“It is the right choice, even if it was a difficult one. I sense change in your sister, but I have not had time to assess it. Something has thrown her off the course of the life I expected her to lead, and I do not know where this new wind will take her. Though at my end, I am glad of the knowing of it, for it gives me hope. However, I cannot let my sisters lie in those hands. I need to know they will have someone who can balance strength with diplomacy. Who understands the heart is in tune with the head and which way to lean with both guiding you when it is time to make decisions. And that is you.”

“But I will be Queen of Airen and Cass does not wish that to be in name only.” I bent closer to her. “Mum, it is not that I would not wish this. It is the highest of honors. It is just that the fates have taken me elsewhere.”

“Cassius knows of my decision, and he knows that compromises will need to be made in your marriage and in your realms in order for you both to give all you have to all your responsibilities.”

I had sat back on her first words, and I remained focused on them when I spoke.