“You used to throw together these parties at the last minute,” he said. “You’d call at four and say why not come on over for supper tonight? When I got there at eight, you’d have a bunch of folks there. I liked that.”

“I still throw parties.” That was one of my luxuries; I loved having my own place and being able to invite people over at a moment’s notice. “You know that I hate to be alone.”

“So why haven’t you come home yet?”

“Spain has been great for work. I’ve been traveling all over the place.”

“Okay,” said Jesse. I had him there; he’d go to hell in a handbasket if he thought he could get a return ticket. “But if you came home now, you could write other books. Don’t you miss your friends here?”

“Of course I do.” I was often lonely in Spain, but I didn’t want to admit it. I worked from home and I was alone there most of the time, unless I jetted off to Paris or Prague for work… where I was also alone.

“You haven’t called anyone since you got in, have you?”

I shook my head and took another hit of shiraz. “I meant to call people after I got here. I thought I’d be inviting them to a memorial service for my sister. Then – with everything that’s happened – I don’t know what to say to anyone. I feel like I’m in limbo.”

“You are. It’s hard to feel settled with all that’s goin’ on. But you should be seein’ people. Otherwise all you’re gonna think about is Claudia and your ex.”

I went to bed after eleven with a deeply unsettled mind. Where was Claudia? What was that other woman doing in her apartment, and why had she died? And Martin… I couldn’t figure him out at all. After staring at the ceiling for a long while, it hit me that I wasn’t going to learn anything new as I lay there. The alarm clock said it was after midnight, but New York is the city that never sleeps, I reasoned as I threw the comforter aside, pulled on jeans and a sweater, and kicked aside my boots in favor of flats. I’d always felt safe walking around the Village and even my ratty corner of the Lower East Side when I’d lived in New York, no matter what time of day. I left a note for Jesse, just in case he woke up and noticed I was gone, then put on my coat.