The floor was bare wood, cracked and splintered and crying out for refinishing. If the police had searched the apartment or taken any fingerprints, there weren’t any traces I could see. It looks like your sister drowned in her bathtub at home, the police detective had told me on the phone. Her tone was warm, as if she were sure that the cold body was a suicide or an accident. I’d heard that same soothing score from the police when my mother died. They wouldn’t bother with fingerprints in a case like that. I wondered if they’d straightened the place out, because Claudia thrived on chaos. Even when she came out of rehab, bursting with good intentions and energetic as a puppy, she left dirty plates and glasses around and deposited her worn clothing on the floor. There was a pile of magazines next to the sofa, Elle and Vogue and Travel & Leisure; Claudia often laughed at me for writing articles for them. Next to the TV was a stack of DVDs; Sex and the City was on top. Had she hidden them from me before? There was something darkly humorous about the fact she’d never kept her drug use a secret from me, but that her unspeakable shame was an indulgence in pop culture.

I set my purse on the sofa and turned to the bookcase. On it sat a framed snapshot of six-year-old Claudia and eight-year old me hugging in front of a Christmas tree. I had an identical picture in my purse, ripped from a frame in my Barcelona apartment, an ocean away. One shelf above held a photo of our parents on their wedding day. Next to that was the painted porcelain rabbit that had been our father’s last Christmas gift to Claudia. The pictures of my sister with her goth posse of art-school dropouts were gone. On the top shelf was a red card with a heart wrapped in a bow on the front. I picked it up.

Claudia, what will I do without you over the holidays? Only nine days until I see you again. I’ll be counting the minutes. M

I set it back on the shelf, remembering a couple of Claudia’s boyfriends who’d expressed their devotion through tattoos. Did the use of a single initial indicate a certain playfulness or a desire to hide his identity? I wondered if M knew about Claudia yet. I didn’t want to track him down just to break his heart, but there wasn’t much else I could do for my sister now.