“Trinidad? That’s where I discovered it, too.” My bracelet clinked against the glass as I took another drink. As I glanced at the silver bangle, with its distinctive Celtic scrollwork, I wondered if Sarah recognized it from Claudia’s apartment. I was sure she thought I’d simply taken it, and I felt a sudden urge to explain, as I had to Renfrew, that it was mine all along.

“Would you like to sit down?” Sarah asked, gesturing to one of the Louis Ghost chairs. “Oh, you brought chocolates, too? Thank you, Lily.”

“I was just admiring your apartment,” I said as I settled into a chair.

“Most of what I own is sitting in boxes in California. I came out here on a whim and I haven’t decided how long I’m staying. But it’s important to surround yourself with beauty, wherever you are, don’t you think? I’m so glad you stopped by.” She smiled at me again. “I wanted to apologize for something last night. I became so upset when I found that paper… that your sister had… that she’d had…”

She couldn’t seem to say the word. “A miscarriage?”

“Yes.” Sarah looked relieved that I’d let the word into the air. “I saw that page and it just brought me back… I never tell people this but… I’ve had three miscarriages. I was never able to carry a child to term.”

I gasped. My mother had had three miscarriages, and I’d always believed those tragedies were puzzle pieces that explained her instability and her drinking. My sister had suffered a miscarriage that sent her into a downward spiral. I felt an instant rush of sympathy for Sarah. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”

Sarah took a sip of juice. “I often wonder how different my life would be if I’d had a child.”

I didn’t know what to say. When I was young I used to dream about having a big family, enough children to fill a house and block out memories of the past. But I’d become more realistic since then. What sort of genes would I be passing along to my children? Would they have paranoid delusions, like my mother? Would they be prone to addiction, like Claudia? Still, when Martin and I had had a pregnancy scare a couple of years ago, he’d been so affectionate and tender that he’d almost revived my fantasy about family life. When a doctor informed me that I wasn’t pregnant after all, I was relieved but Martin had been forlorn. He had genuinely wanted to have a child with me.

“I might not have ended up divorced,” Sarah said. “I know, it’s silly to think that way. What’s past is past. But sometimes I wonder. Do you ever feel like that?”