He hadn’t tried anything, just wanted to lay beside her. He’d cried and told her he’d missed her so. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly since she’d left. If she could just lay next to him a little while – surely she owed him that after abandoning him the way she did.

Nicole didn’t dare move all night and in the early light of morning she slipped out of bed. She paced around the cottage, confused and angry at herself. This new life she thought she’d forged for herself was over. Mark was back.

There was no point trying to outrun her past, forget the pain. It would always be with her, haunt her, defeat her.

Tears fell down her cheeks. She knew she had to stop them. If he heard her, he’d come out.

She reached beneath the sofa and pulled out Ivy’s box.

30th March, 1970

My Dearest Tom,

Peggy passed away last week. Father Anthony is remaining stoic, but inside I know he is broken. I see it in his eyes when he believes no one is looking.

I have cooked dinner for him, drunk tea with him, sat in silence with him. But that can hardly soothe his soul. Then again, I suppose for a man such as Father Anthony, his soul is God’s to soothe, not mine. Still, it cannot hurt to let him know how very much he is loved and how sorry I am for his loss.

I asked Charlie what I should do. I seem to ask his opinion on most things these days. His mind is much younger and quicker than mine and he often sees things in a light that I do not. I am frequently reminded there is more than a generational gap between us. My privileged upbringing and his terrible past force us into different perspectives on many of life’s conundrums. He usually has a far simpler and more effective solution than I can conjure. I am constantly feeling proud of him and wish it were a pride I could share with you.

How one mistake can so easily ruin a life, many lives, hardly seems fair. If anyone deserves forgiveness it is Charlie. I have suggested that if he sought it, it may yet come. But, he is insistent it is too late and much better this way anyway. I am not sure I agree, but on this he will not hear me. I believe the forgiveness he truly needs is that which comes from within and I fear this may never come.

I wish I could take his pain and carry his burden on my old shoulders so that he can live the potential I know is inside him. What this young man could achieve if circumstances were different! However, they are not, as he points out regularly.