“Okay, so, this story takes place in Paris at the beginning of the twelfth century.” She slam-dunked the used clump of paper towels into the trash and then gathered her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. “Let’s set the scene. Here we meet a young girl who is none other than the niece of Fulbert, the canon of Notre Dame.”

“Canon?”

“Yeah, that’s …” She flipped through her notes and then read out loud. “That’s a term used for all ecclesiastical workers in a diocese aside from the ordained priests and curates, whatever that means. They were also sometimes referred to as clerics.” She tossed aside her notebook. “Anyway, the canon’s young niece was looking for answers to the questions of human existence—”

“As one does.” Schäfer nodded.

“—so she pesters her family for permission to be educated. It quickly becomes clear that there is only one teacher in the city that can give her the education she seeks, namely a philosopher and theologian named Pierre Abélard.”

Augustin paced back and forth in front of her desk as she spoke.

“Fine, all right. So, the girl starts receiving tutelage from this guy Abélard, and he quickly discovers that she is ridiculously gifted, in other words, functioning on the same intellectual level as the scholars in the Church. So, even though he’s more than twenty years her senior, he becomes wildly fascinated by and attracted to her.”

“Uh-huh. I smell trouble.”

“Exactly. They begin this intense love affair, and so while her mom and dad think she’s sitting around contemplating the great existential questions and having her intellect stimulated in Abélard’s chambers, they’re really going at it like rabbits.”

“You don’t say.”

“And that was super taboo back then, because they weren’t married.”

“I’m sorry.” Schäfer held up his index finger. “Is this story going to be much longer? Because if it is, then I’m just going to duck out and grab a bucket of popcorn and a cold beer.”

Augustin ignored him and kept going. “Well, the couple kept their relationship secret, but when the girl became pregnant, her family found out that they had had sex, and then she was kicked out of the Church in punishment for living in sin. She and Abélard decided to escape to Brittany, where she bore them a son, and at some point or other—I can’t remember when—they returned to Paris and got married.”

“And then they lived happily ever after?”

“Not quite, no. Because one night the girl’s family breaks into Abélard’s house and attacks him in his sleep. They still haven’t forgiven him for bringing shame to the family, so they castrate him—they cut his pecker off.”

Schäfer looked pained and moved a protective hand to his lap.