He gave his crooked smile. “I guess I’m laying it all on the line. I love her. I have for a long time, and I always will.” He looked down again.

“That’s a lot of pressure for a girl,” Nancy said.

Lucas shook his head. “Hope not. That wasn’t my intention. Kate’s entitled to make her own choices, to choose her own life. I just want her to have all the facts before she does.”

Nancy said something that tied the story into a neat bow, then signed off. Kate’s dad flipped off the TV. Without the light and noise of the TV, the room fell into darkness and silence. Her mind whirled faster than a carnival ride.

“Well.” Her dad flipped on the lamp.

Kate’s legs felt wooden as she rounded the recliner and sank into it. She was shaking, her hands and legs trembling uncontrollably. He loves me. He’s loved me from the beginning.

She felt a sudden, inexorable need to talk to him. To see him.

“Do you love him, Kate?” Her dad’s voice broke through her thoughts.

Do I love him? She remembered the way he held her on the sailboat when she was sick. Remembered the way he held her when the scandal broke. Remembered how treasured she felt when he looked at her, touched her.

“Yes,” she whispered.

But they were so different. It was why she’d left. She didn’t want to wind up like—

My parents? Well, I’ve already discovered how wrong I was on that one. It wasn’t their differences that broke them apart but her dad’s disorder.

But even with that understanding, her heart faltered in fear. What am I afraid of? That I’m going to wind up alone and desperate like Mom?

But I can’t control the future, can I God? I can’t even control the present. I just have to seek Your guidance and take one step at a time. Look how meticulously I planned my engagement and wedding. And still, it all fell apart.

Even after all she’d learned through the media debacle, she’d left Nantucket and Lucas without seeking God’s will. Would she never learn? Why did she continually forge ahead with her own plans? Did her obsessive need to plan stem from a desperate desire for control?

Kate remembered the conversation she’d had with Brody that day on the widow’s walk. “I’m not afraid of heights so much as I’m afraid of falling,” she’d said. Was that her problem? Why she’d nearly married a man she didn’t love? Why she’d been in such a hurry to leave the man she did love? She was afraid of becoming her mom. Afraid of becoming like the hundreds of women she’d counseled.