It would be unfortunate if I were to dwell too long on this man whose affairs were his own and whose actions, in truth, are only incidental to this, whatever it is, my story, my confession, (my last, I hope). I did not know him personally, though what I saw of his face seemed familiar. I could not be said to know anyone personally unless you were to count those in daily physical contact with me who pinched me to see if I winced, who dragged me here and there bidding me, ‘Lift your arm, do this, do that, do try Peter,’ (that they say is my name, though I have my doubts). No, I knew no one, least of all this newly cut, not dead man. And those that did see me, enacted their business with me, plied their trade as it were, did they ever pause to wonder at this flaky receptacle that passed for a body, to ask themselves if there was any kind of a soul inside, bearing witness to the suns and moons that passed before its eyes? Too much, I’m feeling sorry for myself again and it simply will not do - I can’t afford such silly, empty sentiment. I must return to the toil of recalling the events of that day, that gaudy bauble that hangs yet aloft in the dark vault of my head, waiting, tinkling and dangling, refusing to go away until I have reached for it. Now I stretch and pull it down for you and I see it bright and terrible in my poor mind’s eye. And there are more. I come across them from time to time in some forgotten abyss at the end of some innocent-looking tunnel. They are often tarnished, given to disappearing before my eyes, and sometimes I wish they had not been disturbed but left to sink in the mud rather than come to light to mock and dismay me with their cheap appearance and unreasoned array. But they go nowhere, simply hide, lie in wait, displaced but not destroyed.

On this day, then, I had thoughts only for the repercussion of the man’s actions among the staff. I sensed I was to be implicated, ah God, I knew I was. Their wish to find a scapegoat for the night nurse’s inefficiency would be irresistible. All day on all of the days they were ever mindful of each other, fretting over their various ranks, careful of their appearance in the eyes of the outside world, and incidents like this served only to unite them in seeking reprisal in advance of any allegations made against them. And their extraordinary conclusion in this case would be that I was to blame.