Only now, however, Max needed something else. At first, she’d just blamed it on Sue’s menopause because that seemed the easiest excuse. But the more she struggled with what she was feeling, the more she analysed it. The more she delved inside herself, the more she realised it was not about Sue at all. Something had cut loose inside Max over the last two or three years.

She didn’t know how it had started, particularly, although her brief…interaction…with Lucy had definitely been part of the trigger. Lucy had worked as a temp in Max’s office a few years ago. And she had sent Max’s head—and other parts of her anatomy—spinning. Lucy was hot. Absolutely smoking hot. It had shocked Max—she’d never even so much as looked at another woman since meeting Sue. Yet something about Lucy sent Max’s pulse racing, and gradually some very inappropriate thoughts crept into her head.

Nothing had ever happened between them, although Lucy made it clear she was amenable one night during after-work drinks. Pressing herself up against Max in a quiet corner of the bar, she’d dared Max to kiss her. Max, of course, had run. At the time, she took it as clear proof that she was totally committed to Sue despite the raw, passionate feelings Lucy stirred in her. But over time, those feelings hadn’t gone away. If anything, they’d increased.

And that had coincided with Sue’s diminishing lack of interest in all things sexual, leaving Max frustrated and angry at herself for being so. Surely what she and Sue had should be enough? Shouldn’t it? Why did something as silly as the need for sex have to get in the way? She continued to ignore the little voice deep inside her that said it wasn’t just the sex…

So she masturbated—frequently—to take care of that silly urge, but it was never enough, never fully satisfying. Max craved the sensations of another woman’s hands and tongue and skin. Sometimes she absolutely ached from it, and it drove her to tears. After years of careful, gentle passivity from Sue, she wanted passion—something harder, something…more. Something that Sue couldn’t give her.

Underneath all her introspection about the physical, Max had gradually let that little voice inside her get louder. The differences between her and Sue were getting wider and scarier and more difficult to manage. And the differences weren’t just about the physical. Their earlier connection, the reason they had fit so well in the beginning, was lost to her. She looked at Sue sometimes and wondered, if I met you now, would I even give you a second glance? Thoughts like this terrified her.