“No, I’m sure it’s not. But you have to understand, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Rose. I never thought any of it would matter. It was something that happened long ago, nothing to do with you. Or so I thought. When you and Jerram began to have those dreams I worried a little, but Dad bought the books, and there was a perfectly logical explanation for it all. Twins did things like that, shared thoughts and secrets. Some twins even had secret languages nobody else could understand. It wasn’t until now that it all came back again.”

“What is it, Mom? Tell me.”

She touched Rose then, but in a tentative, almost frightened way. Then she hugged herself, closed herself in.

“When I was pregnant… I knew I was carrying twins. We were so excited when we found out. We had to go back and buy doubles of everything. Two for the price of one, Dad said.” Mom smiled. “We felt lucky, Rose. We wanted both of you so much. And then something happened.” She paused distractedly and looked toward the window for a few long moments.

Rose waited. Give her time. Let her get it out at her own speed, even though it was hard to listen patiently.

“In the seventh month … a heartbeat… one of the heartbeats stopped. One night, I was brushing my teeth and there was this little jolt inside me. I leaned against the sink because I felt dizzy, and I got this strange sensation, like a buzzing inside and then … it was as if one of you had left. It sounds like nonsense, but that’s the impression I had, that one of you had just gone. Your father made me lie down and insisted on phoning the doctor even though it was past eleven. The doctor said it was probably only indigestion.

“But the next day the feeling was still there and I argued to get an appointment with the doctor. And when he finally examined me, he heard only one heartbeat. He told me one of my babies was dead.”

Her voice caught, and Rose thought she would cry, but she went on with dry eyes. “We had to wait to decide what to do. There was a possibility of danger to the other twin. It was terrible to know I was carrying two little bodies, one alive and one dead. They were going to do a cesarean, but it was just a bit too early.” She gripped Rose’s hands now. “I wished so hard, Rose. I would have done anything for it to be all right again, for that little heart to start beating.” She looked up with tear-shined eyes. “And, of course, it did! When they all thought there was no use, that it was final, your heart started beating, and you were alive again.”

“Me? It was me who was dead?”