“Yes. I had abandoned all hope of ever erasing my sin of being a publican from God’s ledger. But here was a man who said there was still a chance for me and for all other miserable sinners. He told those of us who crowded close to him that the Kingdom of God was at hand and that all of us—all of us!—could prepare for that day. Salvation, he taught, was available to everyone, and even the worst of sinners could be born again in the eyes of God, providing they acquired the faith and humility of little children. He even taught us what to say, in our prayer for salvation, and he warned us always to pray in secret, not like the hypocrites who stand in synagogues where they may be seen and heard by men. Their reward, he promised, would only come from men, while ours would come from the Father who, seeing our needs in secret, would reward us openly.”

“When did you become one of his followers?”

“Soon thereafter. I went to hear him whenever I could, hoping I might find the courage to approach him—touch him—have him speak a few words to me. But always my shame held me back. Then one morning, after Jesus had preached to a large crowd from the deck of a small boat, he passed near my booth with four of his followers. He came close—so close I could have reached out and touched his robe. I struggled to say what was in my heart, but the words stuck in my throat. As he walked away I began to weep, certain that I would never again have such an opportunity. Suddenly he stopped and turned until he was facing me. I shall never forget that look of love and sympathy and sadness in his gentle brown eyes, as if he understood everything I was thinking. He motioned to me and said only, ‘Follow me!’ ”

“And what did you do?” I heard myself prompting, unnecessarily.

“I left everything behind—my records, the money I had collected that day, my home, my brothers and parents—and remained with him for the rest of his earthly life until that terrible night he was arrested here, in this garden.”

“Have you any regrets?”

“Regrets? I have many. That I became a coward and fled with the others, as Jesus said we would, when he was seized. That I did not fully understand the meaning of all his parables and prophecies when he first spoke them. That I did not fight, with everything I had in me, against those who sought to discredit him almost from the first. That I did not comfort him more or serve him better. Most of all that I was too blind and ignorant to recognize him as the Son of God until after he was crucified. Still, my chance will come again.”

“You, too, expect him to return?”