John paused and covered his face with his hands. I could see his chest rising and falling as if he, too, was having difficulty breathing. Then he wiped his eyes and continued.

“I began to sob and soon the Lord’s mother was consoling me, wiping away my tears, until I felt nothing but shame for my weakness when I should have been providing her with sympathy and comfort. Soon, Mary Magdalene and my mother, Salome, and Mary, the mother of James and Joses, joined us in the courtyard, and the five of us went out the city gate and walked on the road outside the wall until we finally arrived at the place of execution, a small hill northwest of the city.”

“Was Jesus already on the cross by the time you arrived?”

“Yes, as were two others, one on each side of him. His body was so covered with blood and bruises that not even his mother recognized him until one of the women pointed to the sign over his head that said ‘Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.’ ”

“Was there a large crowd on hand?”

“No. Only the soldiers and some priests from the Temple and a few pilgrims who had come up from the road out of curiosity. I wanted to keep the women back as far as possible, to spare them, but the Lord’s mother would have none of it. She insisted that I bring her as close to the cross as the soldiers would allow.”

“Was Jesus in any condition to recognize you?”