“It’s…” She lets out a breath. “It’s not about the money. It’s about the principle of the thing.”

I nudge the tray toward the bartender as he passes by with a pair of beers for a couple of local old guys. Then I glance at her, toying with the leather stitching on my wallet. “Doesn’t make this a date, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She blushes, rolls a shoulder in a vague, unsure gesture. “I…I don’t mean anything against you, Nathan.” A deep, delicate pause. “I…I enjoy spending time with you.” Another pause. “It’s just…I don’t know if I’m…”

“It can be just two friends having lunch, Nadia. I get it.” I try to catch her eyes. “If anyone gets where you are on this, it’s me. Okay?”

She seems to be struggling with what she’s feeling and how to express any of it. Boy, do I get that, too. “I’m really confused, Nathan.”

“Like I said, I get it.”

“Are you confused, too?” she asks, looking at me, finally.

I nod slowly. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Or you mean you’ve have been confused like I am now, so you get it?”

“No, I’m pretty damn confused right now.” I’m the one wrestling with what to say, now. “I like you, Nadia. You’re easy to be around. Easy to talk to. I don’t have to…explain things that most other folks just won’t ever understand. I like that, around you, it’s…it’s easier to not think about…all the heavy shit.” I lick my lips and wish the pint glass in front of me wasn’t empty. “But I feel guilty about not thinking about it…”

Harsh, thick, acid pause.

“About her,” I finish.”

She tilts her head back, sniffles at the ceiling, and the sniff is not quite but almost a laugh. “Yeah,” she murmurs, wiping under her eyes with her two middle fingers. “What you said.”

“You want to head back?” I ask, after a minute.

“Yeah,” she says. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

We drive back, and it’s silent between us. I let it be, that silence. Sometimes you just can’t talk your way out of awkward silences. Sometimes, the awkward silences are important.

When we get back to the cabins, she stops halfway between my cabin and hers. Her blue jeans fit her just right, and she fills out the plain white V-neck T-shirt in a way I’ve not noticed, until now.

“Nathan?”

I kick at the grass. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“Don’t apologize to me, Nadia. I told you, more than anyone else, I get it. No apology is ever necessary.”

“Can I apologize in advance for the fact that I think I need some space for a few days? To…think?”