“Hello,” he says, extending a hand.

I slide a hand out to slowly shake his.

“Yes, hello,” I say.

“You don’t look like you’re doing well today.”

“The pain is bad.”

“Well, let’s get you examined. I’ll be gentle. Lie straight on the table for me.”

I unwind my body and flatten myself on the table.

“Would you mind pulling up your gown?” he asks.

He rubs his hands together to warm them. I pull the gown up below my breasts like always.

“Is it OK if I touch you?” he asks.

I nod. I am ready to be touched by now. I know they will always touch me.

His hands move gently over me. He works his way from the bottom of the knot to the top, stopping to ask: “Does it hurt here? How about here?”

I nod if it hurts there, I shake my head if it doesn’t.

“All right now, let’s have you sit up so we can talk. Now, it says here your pain is at a 10. Tell me about that.”

“It started a few months ago and it keeps getting worse. Sometimes it’s so bad I black out.”

“Black out?”

“Yeah, like at the store, I don’t know — the pain gets sharp and I collapse.”

“I see.”

He stares deeply at me for a moment.

“That’s what we call breakthrough pain,” he says. “These are flare-ups of intense pain that are hard for the brain to handle. Your body gets overwhelmed and can shut down.”

I nod.

“I’m going to need to run a scan on you, but I think you are a candidate for emergency surgery.”

“What, more injections? Is this the sugar water again?”

“No, a surgery. I’m going to remove your knot. It’s gotten too tight, and I believe it is choking your vital organs.”

“How?”

“Well, first I’m going to make small incisions in the knot to remove the organs.”

I imagine him sliding my organs from my body.

“And then I’ll remove the knot itself and rebuild your torso with your organs and animal tissue where needed for regrowth.”

“What kind of animals?”

“Most often we use skin from a pig or a donor, someone who is dying and donates their flesh.”

The lights twinkle above my head. There’s not enough air. The facts suck up all of the oxygen.

“I’ve done smaller versions of this surgery a number of times,” he explains. “Largely for women with uneven torsos. These cases aren’t exactly the same, but I will do everything in my power to get you back to normal.”

MY BRAIN SHUTS DOWN AND THE REST IS like a movie I watch:

The nurses move my body into the scanning machine, drive a needle into my veins to contrast my body and light my insides up like a city, glowing, what a light.