He exchanges a glance with one of the other men as if this is evidence to be noted; then he goes from the room.

KATHERINE, SYON ABBEY,

CHRISTMAS 1541

Let me see, what do I have now?

I have my six gowns still, and my six hoods. I have two rooms with a view over the garden, which runs down to the river where I can now walk if I wish; but I don’t wish as it is freezing cold and rains all the time. I have a handsome fireplace of stone and a good store of wood is kept in for me as the walls are cold and when the wind blows from the east it is damp. I pity the nuns who had to live here for all their lives, and I pray God that I shall be released soon. I have a copy of the Bible and the prayer book. I have a crucifix (very plain, no jewels) and a kneeler. I have the reluctant attendance of a pair of maids to help me dress and Lady Baynton and two others to sit with me in the afternoon. None of them are very merry.

I think that is all I have now.

What makes it worse is that it is Christmastime, and I so love Christmas. Last year I was dancing with Queen Anne at court and the king was smiling at me and I had my pendant with the twenty-six table diamonds and my rope of pearls and Queen Anne brought me my horse with violet velvet trappings. I danced with Thomas every evening and Henry said we were the prettiest couple in all of the world. Thomas held my hand at midnight on Christmas Eve and when he gave me a kiss on the cheek he whispered in my ear: ‘You are beautiful.’

I can still hear it, I can still hear his whisper: ‘You are beautiful.’ Now he is dead, they cut his sweet head from his body, and I may be still beautiful but I have not even a looking-glass to comfort me with that.

It may be a stupid thing to say, but more than anything else I am so surprised how much things have changed in such a short time. The Christmas feast when I was newly married and the most beautiful queen in the world was only last year, just this time last year, and now here am I in the worst state that I have ever known, and perhaps the worst state that anyone could be in. I think now that I am learning great wisdom that comes from suffering. I have been a very foolish girl but now I am grown to a woman. Indeed, I think I would be a good woman if I had a chance to be queen again. I really think I would be a good queen this time. And since my love, Thomas, is dead, I expect I would be faithful to the king.