‘Yeah, it was me and DC Helen Gough. With her stupid animal.’

Gillard had heard about Ian. It was a stupid name for a dog, especially a small white shivering poodle that barked at its own shadow. That’s the trouble with rescue dogs, you never know what you’re getting. Helen had said the animal wouldn’t respond to any other name.

‘So we were wandering up towards the crime scene tape, and we could hear these moaning noises in the undergrowth.’ He grinned, trying to spin out the tale.

‘Shagging couple?’ Gillard said, flicking through some of his paperwork.

Hoskins held up a finger ‘Let me continue. We heard some giggling, and the fucking dog was going apeshit. So I left Helen and her joke on a rope and went to take a look.’ He shook his head. ‘A couple of goths, made a nest for themselves amongst all the flowers that people had left, all the messages, all the teddy bears, jars of brinjal bhaji, and they were going at it like billy-o.’

Gillard looked up. ‘Some people have no respect.’

‘She was dressed like a corpse, face all white, black lipstick, skinny as anything. Both of them pierced all over. Got them down to the station, charged them with a few public order offences. Then Helen asked them why they did it. “Because it’s exciting,” the girl said. Turns out she had this diary, documenting no fewer than thirty-seven crime locations where a body has been found, that they had been bonking. By Christmas Day she’s hoping to have done fifty, including one in every county.’ He laughed. ‘He showed me pictures on his phone that he taken at all these places, with her impersonating a corpse. Sick puppies.’

The DCI shook his head. ‘I just hope they’ve never been on any cold case crime scenes, or done any breaking and entering.’

‘They did say one thing, though,’ Hoskins said. ‘When they were first getting down to it, some bloke on a bike came past, and stopped to watch them.’

‘Did they get a description?’

‘Not really, as it was dark. She thought he had light-coloured hair, but she was more interested in making a performance out of it for the audience. He took some photos on his phone.’

‘So he was definitely male?’

‘Yep. But not Asian. British, and posh looking.’

Hoskins announced that he was going home to bed, but that he would undoubtedly still be hearing the irritating bark of that animal in his sleep. Gillard returned to his paperwork. Now reading in greater detail that morning’s email from the forensic lab, he saw a second attachment, which was the analysis of all the CSI equipment discards. In every crime scene investigation there are dozens of pairs of latex gloves, forensic instruments, polythene booties, Tyvek suits and other protective gear, all potentially contaminated and all discarded after a single use. These are bagged up and labelled by date and by wearer, then routinely tested for DNA. After the known markers for members of the team have been eliminated, any unknown DNA samples are checked against the evidence accumulated elsewhere.