He was actually smiling … a dreamy smile.

‘You see, as we were sitting there in the dark, in the cinema, something happened. She felt it too. It was most extraordinary—like a bolt of lightning through our bodies. I’ve never felt anything like it. I mean, we didn’t touch or anything, we were just flooded with this … sort of bolt. I don’t think we were conscious of the film at all, I can’t remember anything about it.’ He paused. ‘Afterwards I saw her to the bus stop, and when the bus pulled away I literally felt my heart exploding, and know what? I burst into tears. In the middle of the Holloway Road. So embarrassing.’ His eyes grew moist. ‘I was lost. I was lost, but I was found. Do you know what I mean?’

‘No.’

‘Of course we fought it—’

‘You can stop now.’

‘—but it was bigger than both of us, it was totally consuming. And as the weeks went by it grew stronger and stronger, and deeper, and oh …’ He broke off. ‘I can’t really describe it … Body and soul, I was possessed. I never thought I could feel like this, that anybody could feel like this …’ His voice quickened. ‘I ached for her, day and night, it was a physical pain, it tore me apart …’

I stared at his face, flushed with love. He’d completely forgotten I was there.

‘I’d come alive for the first time in my life.’ His voice throbbed. ‘The hunger for each other, it was all-consuming. The snatched moments of joy, the lovemaking—oh, the lovemaking, I can’t start to describe it—’

‘Don’t then.’

‘It was like nothing I’d ever known before.’

‘Stop it!’

‘The passion, the total, shattering passion—’

‘Shut up! Shut up!’

But, would you believe it? He didn’t.

Part Two

One

It was two weeks later that I saw the dress.

Maybe two weeks; I’ve lost my bearings. As I said, I was in free­fall. It was a superhuman effort to function at all. In the morning I put on my clothes, usually the same clothes as the day before; I seemed to manage to get through my tutorials, though the words blurred on the page. Occasionally I washed. I ate, now and then.

Did I tell you this? What did I tell you?

It was killing me, being stuck in the house. I had to get out of London. I had a sudden need to swim in the sea. Needless to say, Mortimer’s Creek was out of the question. In fact, the whole of Dorset was poisoned. So I turned east and drove to Kent, the nearest beach I knew.

It was another beautiful day. The passion, the total, shattering passion. The words rolled around my head as I drove along the motorway. How could a man say that to a woman he’d loved, the mother of his children? What sort of human being could destroy someone so brutally? Of course I’d asked for it, but that was no excuse. I drove fast, overtaking a row of lorries. I ached for her, day and night … The lovemaking, oh, the lovemaking.