Really, this buzzing going on around him made it impossible to listen to the silence. He would have to leave, and his nerves were so on edge, he could no longer trust himself to keep silent about confidential matters. So he told Zeinab that he would give her power of attorney over his property, and leave his associates in charge of the office. He was determined, he said, to rid himself of distractions, to remove the burden of the world from his shoulders. She should consider it a disease, whether she understood it or not. In any case, he wanted to withdraw into himself. There was no woman involved, she must believe him. And it was not a mere whim; rather his illness had reached crisis proportions. If any cure existed, it lay in the path he’d chosen.

She implored him, her eyes reflecting the pain of the successive blows she’d received. “We’ve let you alone. If you can’t stand your work, then leave it. If your artistic urges are so strong, then follow them. But don’t desert us, for the sake of your children.”

Her words affected him, but he said there was no use in trying to put off a decision as unavoidable as fate. “I’ve had long talks with Mustapha. It hurt me that you’ve confided in him what you’ve hidden from us, but I suppose in your present condition, you’re not to be blamed. Forgive me for not understanding this search for the meaning of your existence. I don’t see why it involves leaving your work and your family, disregarding your future. Why don’t you consult your doctor again?”

“That’s why I haven’t been open with you.”

“But illness isn’t shameful.”

“You think I’m insane.”

She sobbed convulsively, but he remained resolute, “The solution I’ve chosen is best for us all.”

“All right, then, leave until you’ve regained your health, but then return.”

“It’s best to reconcile ourselves to a permanent absence.” He continued as she wept. “If I don’t do that, I’ll go mad or commit suicide.”

She stood up, saying, “Buthayna’s not a child. You must listen to her.”

“Don’t make the torment any worse,” he shouted.