He’s clearly just come from hoverjoust practice, so his clothes are, thankfully, less revealing than usual. But really, could those riding pants be any tighter? My arms ache from my own practice earlier in the day. I should get Rafe to also train me in how to hold a lance.

Not that lance, brain. Stop it.

“You’re getting stronger, but you’re still wildly inconsistent, and we have to get to the root of what’s preventing you from calling on your Ha’i instinctively.”

I grumble.

“Beltane is in just over a fortnight. Once I acquire the necessary supplies during the bonfire, I’m off this island whether you’re ready to come with me or not. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got it, Your Highness.”

“Don’t call me that. Make shiin.”

I tentatively hold out my hand in the formation.

“Now conduct.”

“Conduct what?”

“Just start with a glow.”

He holds up his own shiin and effortlessly emits a soft ball of light. Even his hand is beautiful. Fine and muscled, like a sculpture. Like the David’s hand.

I can usually manage a glow easily. I go through the steps in my mind like I’ve done so many times before, but nothing happens.

“Um. I can do this.”

“This is what I mean about consistency. Try again.”

I do, and again, nothing happens.

Rafe is watching me critically, with a dash of loathing. “Are you even trying?”

“Of course I’m trying!”

“It doesn’t look like it. It’s like you don’t even want to conduct.” He steps closer, crowding me. “You are made to do this; it should be as natural as breathing. Stop holding back!”

“I’m not holding back! What reason could I possibly have for not wanting to conduct?”

“Desire is nuanced. Being a Sire comes with responsibility, and you wouldn’t be the first person in history to be overwhelmed by that. You need to face your fears, figure out what you truly want, and let down the necessary walls to get it.”

Who does he think he is? He has no idea about what I really want. I drop my hand. “What if I’m just not meant for this?” It comes out as a whisper. My eyes burn with frustrated tears. Maybe years of repressing my Ha’i has broken it.

I expect that he’ll back down, but this is Rafe, not someone who would actually be sensitive to my feelings. His voice and tone stay just as demanding. “You can’t give up. Being an unfulfilled Sire is painful. It’s why Sires have a higher rate of melancholy and self-harm. You were born to create, and if you don’t, your mind will suffer for it. A piece of you will die.”