“Okay. The problem is that a well draws water from a preexisting source, so if your source is dry, you are left with nothing. As a Sire, you are the source. You’re making something from nothing. Don’t think of yourself as pulling the Ha’i. Imagine bringing it into being.”

Holding my breath, I close my eyes and imagine my belly as a black void, and then I envision a mini burst of light exploding into golden rays. I pull those rays through my hands and feel the warmth of Ha’i spread into the baby’s body.

“There you go,” Hilde encourages. “Now one more time.”

I conduct, and with the pulse of Ha’i, I feel the boy’s heartbeat stop, then start again in a more natural rhythm.

Only then do I breathe.

As soon as the baby is stable, Hilde has me pass him back to his mother, who can’t stop crying and kissing me.

And then we move on because there’s more to be done and no time for rest.

I help Hilde for hours. Crushing plants into mixtures. Distributing food. Purifying water. Administering medicine.

Digging graves.

I’m working on autopilot, like a golem, overcome by feeling so much that I can’t feel anything at all.

“You’re holding up well,” Hilde says to me at one point. “I’m impressed. I thought you’d run crying after an hour.”

“If this is their daily life, what right do I have to run from one day?”

Hilde nods approvingly.

I say, “I just don’t understand how the world allows this to happen… how they can neglect all these people.” There’s plenty of wealth in the world, plenty of food, water, medicine going to waste daily.

“This is not just a result of neglect,” Hilde explains. “The people responsible for this? For so many other humanitarian crises? They’re allied with the leaders of powerful countries and multinational corporations. You’re from the United States? They fund the corrupt governments who should be taking care of these people, and they don’t demand this treatment stops. It’s too easy to let tragedy happen far away when you’re not the one suffering and when interference would directly affect the affordability of the resources and products you rely on for daily life.”

There’s a part of me that wants to close my eyes and stop seeing, that wishes I could go back to not knowing. “Why would anyone at Genesis think that showing me this would make me understand why they don’t do more to help?”