Two soft knocks stopped my literal and mental self-reflection.

I opened the door. Becky was there in the hallway. “You okay?” She asked softly.

“Yeah, just peachy.” I stomped past her.

It only took a few minutes to explain my situation to my Pa. I didn’t outright say my plan, but I hinted at it in case the house was bugged. To his credit, he got it. Although it was over a minute of staring off into the distance before he spoke.

“Boy...,” he said with a long sigh. “I’m healthy. I’ve never felt better in my life.” Maybe it was blunt, but that’s how we did things here. There are a lot of stereotypes about country folk, but straight and to the point was true.

“They healed me.” He puffed out his cheeks before he spoke again. “I hope neither one of you ever get this sick. It’s an ugly feeling, to feel like you may not wake up in the morning and leave a corpse for your loved ones.” His gaze went off to the distance as if he were imagining such a thing. My chest thumped at the horrible visual.

He held out his hands. “I can’t tell them I’m not feeling well.”

It was because he didn’t want to go back or maybe because of what the military guy insinuated. I was a slacker, but I wasn’t an asshole. I wouldn’t let my Pa die because I wanted my uh… non-fertility. Then there was the farm.

“They paid it off boy. Even got your sister set up with a nice college fund.” He gave a short smile. “I know you two never got along, but she deserves a chance in life.”

After her teasing in the bedroom, I wasn’t inclined to agree, but I stayed quiet.

He said the next part slowly. “Maybe you should accept it.”

There must’ve been something in my expression because he spoke quickly. “Your sis can carry, your Ma could too obviously. Hell, half the planet can. They seem to do okay.” He took in a deep breath. “I love you boy, but… what were you going to do with your life? I was out on my own at sixteen.”

It was a different time, but I was past the legal age and still staying at home. Some of my friends left town to find better lives. All I did was just stay here and…

Do nothing.

If there were any other man saying this, I’d argue but even if I won, he’d lose. The farm and his health. Becky and I weren’t close, but he’d hate me for taking away her education. I couldn’t presume to know what he feared, but I’m sure he worried about both of us when he left. At least she’d have a chance.

I realized I’d never considered that before.

Wonder if that’s what they mean by growing up?

We spent the next few hours talking. Even Becky was unnaturally subdued and friendly. Thankfully he didn’t ask some of the more personal questions. Maybe he didn’t want to know about the man that would take me. Most of his concern was if he would see me again. From what I understood, family was allowed two visits per year at first.