I shook my head. He threw up his arms.

‘Are you kidding me?’

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. I crawled into his bed and pulled the doona over me; it was much nicer than my doona, thick and deep inside.

‘Lie down with me,’ I said.

‘Get your shoes out of my bed,’ he said.

I moved my feet off the side of the bed. He came over and crawled in.

His breath was furry poison. ‘I’ve been drinking all morning,’ he said.

I moved my face away from his. ‘That’s pretty cool,’ I said.

‘You have to,’ he said. ‘It’s New Year’s Eve and everything.’

I moved further away from him; too human, too hot.

‘Why would you come here?’ he said. ‘Do you like playing with men?’

I guessed I did. Maybe this was my kink, just being a bad person. I wondered if this was listed in the global index of kinks, or if it comprised a range of more indexable specifics.

‘I’m actually non-dating,’ I yawned.

He propped himself up. ‘You’re just having some me-time.’

‘That’s right.’ I smiled sleepily. ‘I’m just taking a little time to look out for me.’

I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was alone in the bed. Unlike in the car, when I’d been ripped from sleep by Lachlan pulling over, I felt bright, revivified. It could have been hours. I stretched slowly, and got up slowly, and peered out of the bed. My Richmond friend was sitting fully clothed at the kitchen bench.

‘Hello. You have to go now,’ he said. He was looking at his phone.

‘Okay,’ I said. I walked for the door. I stopped. ‘Look. For what it’s worth —’

He looked up at me. I stopped.

‘I’m not trying to mess with you,’ I said.

His expression softened. ‘I realise that,’ he said. ‘As I said the other night, you have no clue what you’re doing.’ And he was working himself up again, his hands becoming animated. ‘You guys think you’re all so young, but you are not that young. Life is now, not later! It matters! It’s a privilege!’

I couldn’t stop laughing. ‘Stop. Who are these guys?’ I said.

‘You!’

I think I was meant to see him as a pathetic person. In fact, he was just pursuing his own variety of interest and seeing if anyone wanted to join in. His kink was perhaps vulnerability, performed vulnerability, although in this world it played as a kind of madness. I also knew this was sort of a lazy reading of him, because in fact it was twisted, which meant it was special. And if it was special, wasn’t it honourable too?

I still didn’t particularly want to spend any more time with him.

‘I think I know what I’m doing,’ I said. ‘We just want different things.’

He studied me. ‘My god,’ he said. ‘You don’t want me. You want him.’

‘Dan?’ I said. I rolled my eyes. Speaking of lazy readings.