Jamie said nothing as we picked up our pace. My thoughts tripped between running and the knowledge that running would be its own red flag. I was guilty. Terribly guilty. And in that moment, all of my guilt caught up with me.

I bit the inside of my lip to keep tears from collecting in my eyes. I couldn’t be crying. I couldn’t be running. I couldn’t be covered in dust.

I could think of nothing else as the last several hundred feet to the second row of homes passed under my dirty shoes. Then my front door was in sight. Then the knob in my hand. But then a thought dropped into my mind and I released the knob.

I turned and headed back down the three simple wood steps. “We should go through the back and wash our shoes before Mother sees.”

Jamie huffed. “Again with the shoes.”

But he followed me, and seconds later we were at the back door, up three more wooden steps, and into the house. Relief washed over me the moment the door closed behind me.

Though married five months now, I didn’t yet share a home with the man the council had picked for me. Newlyweds weren’t permitted to live together until they conceived, because the purpose of marriage was to make a family, not to experience romance or gratification. Until a child was conceived, a new bride was allowed only scheduled conjugal visits to her husband’s home. The rule reinforced Rose’s insistence that all women must give the highest priority to bearing children and repopulating the earth. Truly, romance was almost a sin.

Alice, who was eighteen, had been married to David the same day I’d been married to Andrew, farmer and council member. She couldn’t wait to conceive and move in with David, who was twenty-four. They did their best to hide their affection for each other, but I knew it all too well.

Me, I was grateful to live at home still, because I had no real attraction to my husband. The thought of having a baby thrilled me, but the idea of moving in with Andrew, more than twice my age, made my stomach turn.

The house was dark and silent, although I knew my mother was there somewhere. I kept my hand on the door behind me to steady myself for a beat, then proceeded to pull my shoes off.

“Grace! Relax, sister. You’re seeing ghosts now. Let that simple mind of yours tell you better stories—you’re good at that.”