GUARD [advancing to cell door]: What’s the matter there, Riley? Pipe down! Here’s the Father come to speak to you again. . . .
JOHN: Aw, I got nothing to say to you, Father.
PRIEST: Have you made your peace with God?
JOHN: My what?
PRIEST [raising his voice and producing a cross]: I said, my son, have you made your peace with God!
JOHN [roaring with laughter]: My peace with God! My peace with God! Yeah! You bet! Long ago! When they signed the armistice, Father! That’s when I made my peace with God! When the war was over and all I had to do was to come back and be honored—Honor the living, Father! Honor the living as well as the dead!
[He laughs wildly as the lights are extinguished.]
THE END
THE CASE OF THE CRUSHED PETUNIAS
A LYRICAL FANTASY
This play is respectfully dedicated
to the talent and charm of Miss Helen Hayes
—Key West, February, 1941
The Case of the Crushed Petunias was performed at Karamu House in the Karamu Theatre, Cleveland, Ohio, opening on February 26, 1957. It was directed by Reuben Silver; the costumes were designed by Shirley White; the set design was by Helen Coonley; the lighting design was by William T. Brown; and the stage manager was Twila McAlonan. The cast was as follows:
| DOROTHY SIMPLE | Susan B. Heinrich |
| POLICE OFFICER | Philip De Oreo |
| YOUNG MAN | Dennis M. Tate |
| MRS. DULL | Dorothy Washington |
Scene: The action of the play takes place in the Simple Notion Shop, owned and operated by Miss Dorothy Simple, a New England maiden of twenty-six, who is physically very attractive but has barricaded her house and her heart behind a double row of petunias.
The town is Primanproper, Massachusetts, which lies within the cultural orbit of Boston.
The play starts in the early morning. Miss Simple, very agitated for some reason, has just opened her little shop. She stands in the open door in a flood of spring sunlight, but her face expresses grief and indignation. She is calling to a police officer on the corner.
DOROTHY: Officer?—Officer!
OFFICER [strolling up to her]: Yes, Miss Simple?
DOROTHY: I wish to report a case of deliberate and malicious sabotage!
OFFICER: Sabotage of what, Miss Simple?
DOROTHY: Of my petunias!
OFFICER: Well, well, well. Now what do you mean by that?
DOROTHY: Exactly what I said. You can see for yourself. Last night this house was surrounded by a beautiful double row of pink and lavender petunias. Look at them now! When I got up this morning I discovered them in this condition. Every single little petunia deliberately and maliciously crushed under foot!
OFFICER: My goodness! Well, well, well!
DOROTHY: “Well, well, well” is not going to catch the culprit!
OFFICER: What do you want me to do, Miss Simple?
DOROTHY: I want you to apprehend a petuniacidal maniac with a size eleven D foot.
OFFICER: Eleven D?
DOROTHY: Yes. That is the size of the footprints that crushed my petunias. I just now had them measured by a shoe clerk.