There was no way to say those words. He hastily felt the need to say something.

“You look like you’ve lost weight.”

As soon as he blurted it out, he was cursing himself for saying such a thing.

He didn’t know whether she had been diagnosed with cancer, but it was the period leading up to her hospitalization—of course she was thin. Turning the topic of conversation to her illness was the very thing he’d wanted to avoid. A pool of sweat was forming inside his clenched fists.

But Kinuyo simply replied, “Oh, really? That’s nice to hear.” Placing both hands on her cheeks, she looked happy to hear it. On seeing her reaction, he thought, Perhaps she still doesn’t know that she has cancer.

Sometimes people don’t find out until they are in hospital. Her reaction was completely understandable if she didn’t know about her illness. This came to Yukio as a relief.

He relaxed a little. He tried his best to keep the conversation casual and normal.

“Really? You’re happy to hear me say that, even now?” he laughed dismissively. But Kinuyo’s expression was earnest.

“Yes, I am,” she replied. “You’re looking pretty thin, yourself,” she added.

“Oh, you think?”

“Are you eating properly?”

“Yeah, of course. Recently, I’ve even been making my own meals.”

Yukio hadn’t eaten one proper meal since he’d heard of her death.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, rest assured, Mum, I’ve given up living on cup noodles.”

“What about washing your clothes?”

“Sure, I’m washing my clothes.”

He had been wearing the same clothes for nearly a month.

“No matter how tired you are, you must always make the effort to sleep on a futon.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

He had already canceled the lease on his apartment.

“If you get into money trouble, don’t borrow from people. Speak up about it, okay? I don’t have much myself, but I can give a little.”

“Money is fine...”

Yesterday, he finished filing for personal bankruptcy. There would be no burdening Kinuyo and Kyoko with massive debt.

Yukio simply wanted to see Kinuyo’s face one last time.

If it was possible to change the present by going back in time, then he probably wouldn’t have chosen this ending. He would have done everything possible to ensure his mother, sitting in front of him, could get the best hospital treatment. He would have explained the circumstances to that large man he didn’t know behind the counter and begged him to take some action.

The reality was, however, that none of his wishes would come true. His life had lost all meaning. Not wanting to break Kinuyo’s heart was his only grip on life. That single powerful feeling inside him kept him going, despite having been cheated into a life of endless hardship. He had resolved not to die while his mother was still alive.