I decide as I turn right that I’m glad it was a busy day. Today would have been my ninth wedding anniversary to Joey, and with everything else that’s been going on lately where he’s concerned, he’s been invading my thoughts too much.

“God, you’re stupid. Just take the car to the garage.”

“I work at night and sleep during the day, so if you could make the arrangements, that would help.”

“Stop being lazy.”

I clear my throat and turn again.

“You’re too fat. Stop eating all that junk at the pub. If you weren’t fat, I might want to fuck you once in a while.”

A car with bright headlights passes, and I have to squint to see. Once it’s gone, my steering wheel starts to shake, and then…my car just dies.

“Fuck.” I lean my forehead on the steering wheel and feel my eyes welling with tears. “You just gave up the ghost, a mile from home, at three in the freaking morning?”

Resigned to walking, I gather my jacket and purse, leave a note on the dash that I’ll have it removed in the morning, and start to walk home. My already-tired feet are not happy.

Could I call someone? Sure. Anyone would come to get me, but I feel like I kind of deserve this. I’m the one who let the damn car limp along for a few years, even though I knew that it needed to either be replaced or go in for major work.

But who can afford that?

I can’t. Not right now.

“I can walk around the island,” I remind myself in the dark. “It’s not that big. And if it rains, I can catch a ride. Actually, Kane has a couple of extra cars I’m sure he’ll let me borrow until I can replace that one. It’ll be okay.”

“You’re always depending on your stupid family for help. Grow up and be your own woman.”

I hate having Joey in my head. I haven’t heard these shitty things in a long, long time. He was the meanest at home when we were alone. If he got really mad, he’d raise a hand to me but never actually slap me. Mostly he preferred to sling words about as weapons, and he loved to intimidate me. Probably because he knew the words hurt most, and if he left marks on me, my brothers would kill him.

I can’t believe I made excuses for that jerk. I brushed off their concerns and told them that everything was fine, even when it was far from that. Because I was embarrassed and because I felt stuck with Joey. Where would I go? What would I do without him? It was just easier to stay.

And then he died, and while part of me grieved, the bigger part of me was relieved.