This is what she asked him when she saw him eating a falafel at Dojo’s Health Restaurant on St. Marks Place, and why she claims she was forced to hurl her side salad at him, drenching him in tahini dressing, and causing him to call the cops on her.

Thankfully the Drs. Moscovitz talked Andy’s legal team out of pressing charges, explaining that Lilly has been experiencing some anger issues since their recent separation.

But that didn’t stop them from grounding her.

“So how’s the meeting going?” Lilly asked. “Have they gotten to the you-know-what part yet?”

“I wouldn’t know, because I’m too distracted, talking to YOU,” I whispered. I had to whisper, because I was sitting in a folding chair in the middle of a row of very uptight-looking parents. Being New Yorkers, they were all, of course, very well dressed, with Prada accessories. But being New Yorkers, they were also all angry about the fact that someone was using a cell phone while someone else—namely, Principal Gupta—was up at the podium, speaking. Also, of course, that Principal Gupta was basically saying she couldn’t guarantee that their kids would get into Yale or Harvard, which was making them madder than anything. At $25,000 a year—which is how much tuition at AEHS costs—New York parents expect some return for their investment.

“Well, I’ll let you go now, so you can get back to work,” Lilly said. “But just FYI: Lana’s dad had her flown in to the yacht on the sultan’s helicopter, so she could make a spectacular entrance.”

“I hope one of the blades cut her head off as she was getting out of it because she forgot to duck,” I whispered, avoiding the glare of the lady in front of me, who had turned in her seat to give me a dirty look for talking while Principal Gupta was giving everyone some very important information about the percentage of AEHS graduates who get into Ivy League colleges.

“Well,” Lilly said. “No, that didn’t happen. But I heard her Azzedine Alaïa skirt flew up over her head and everyone saw that she was wearing a thong.”

“Good-bye, Lilly,” I said.

“I’m just telling you. Turning sixteen is a big deal. You only do it once. Don’t blow it by having one of your stupid loft parties with the Cheetos and Mr. G as a DJ.”

“Good-bye, Lilly.”

I hung up just as the lady in the seat in front of me turned around to hiss, “Would you please put away that—”

But she never got to finish, because Lars, who was sitting next to me, casually opened his suit jacket, revealing his sidearm. He was only reaching for a Listerine PocketPak, but the sight of his Glock 9 caused the lady’s eyes to widen. She closed her mouth and turned back around in her seat very quickly.

Having an armed bodyguard follow you around everywhere you go can be a total pain in the butt, particularly when it comes to finding private time with your boyfriend.