“No but yeah but listen to me, if we all shag Harmony, yeah, and then she scores us on a rating of one to ten – or if we have like, a questionnaire, because it isn’t all about size . . . ”

A roar of laughter from the crowd, and Harmony laughed too in between shrill objections, because that was what was required, because it was funny, because this was her life and these were her friends. “ . . . No but yeah, seriously, like, sexual prowess isn’t just about how big it is, yeah, so we should come up with these questions and then, like, blindfold her maybe, so it’s really scientific . . . ”

“I’m not shagging you. I’m definitely not shagging you . . . ”

“God, you’re so stiff, Harmony. You’re such a prude . . . ”

“You’re just not worth it, luv,” she replied merrily, though as luck would have it she did end up shagging Marco that evening, and it was great, and he was really awkward about it the next morning and neither of them spoke about it after.

The first time she tried cocaine, it didn’t have any effect on her.

None.

Zilch.

She couldn’t understand, and when she got home, there was an alert in her nano control panel.

You have been exposed to an illegal and dangerous toxin. It has been neutralised free of charge as part of your renal package. You may create an optional exception AT YOUR OWN RISK for an additional £14.99 a month via your control panel.

After thinking it through, and doing a little research online, she didn’t pay for a toxin exemption. Instead she went back to the parties and took the cocaine, and revelled at how she was still in control, part of this world and ruling it, rocking it. And one night she found herself dancing with the boys and Jazzy, and she smelled Jazzy’s sweat, felt the heat of her body, the brush of thigh against thigh and, without knowing why, found herself pushing against the other woman’s flesh, belly to belly, groin to groin, writhing, snaking across Jazzy’s body, pushing her lips into her neck, against her lips, fingers around her backside until with a roaring laugh and a “Piss off, Harmony!” Jazzy shoved her away and buckled over with laughter, and the others laughed too and Harmony wasn’t sure what had happened, but laughed because it was that or be an idiot, the only one not in on the joke, and scurried to the bar and ordered vodka, which the nanos processed into a warm tingling in her forehead and belly that was nothing nearly enough like being drunk.

At the office, Jazzy said nothing, and smirked at Harmony from the corner of her mouth, and the boys chuckled at a private joke, and when Harmony got home that evening she tore through the online store, ripping through data until at 3.40 a.m. she found the upgrade.