My voice came out as taut as a wire. ‘Can I talk to you, please?’

His smile became less certain, by only a whisper, but he answered lightly. ‘Aye.’ He threw his eyes to Lottie’s stool.

I shook my head, a small, tight movement. ‘Somewhere else.’

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he nodded, his face open.

Once I was outside, I had to keep going. The bar door rattled behind me as I put both fists under my elbows and took off down the road, really quickly, the way Olympic walkers do. I couldn’t decide if I was trying to pull Jim away to talk to him properly, or if I was just trying to get away, full stop. I could hear him padding behind me, a few metres back.

‘Polly.’

I kept going.

‘Polly.’ His footsteps got heavier and quicker.

I started to run. I heard him say something under his breath and knew that he’d started jogging. The damp air hit the back of my throat. I veered off the road and towards the loch, onto grass and mud. Feet squelched behind me. I got to the rocks and turned round.

He stopped too, a metre away. ‘Polly, what’ – his voice lowered. ‘What are you doing?’

I gulped the air. ‘Stay away from her.’

His shoulders dropped and he almost grinned. ‘Don’t be daft. I didn’t know she was your ma. And even if I did—’

‘No, you don’t under—just stay away from her.’ I faced the loch again. Jutting rocks lurked in the water. Everything was beginning to be washed in dark blue, heavier brushstrokes for the hills. Denim Dusk.

‘OK,’ he said.

‘You don’t like the hotel.’

‘I don’t. I didn’t.’ He spoke gently. ‘Thought I should get out more.’

I didn’t know how to speak to him, not now, not now I knew. I took a step closer to the water. My toe was at the edge, where the rock fell away sharply.

‘Christ.’ Jim darted forward and grabbed my elbow. I yelped as he pulled me towards him. ‘You’re really pissed.’ His grip softened, but he didn’t let go. ‘And high, or’ – he peered at me and went to touch my hair. I whipped my face to the side and he brought his hand back. ‘All right.’ He sounded like he was trying to pacify a wild dog or a spooked horse.

The sky made him a murky shape, but I could see his eyes well enough. ‘I know what you are,’ I said.

His eyebrows came down and there was a tiny, sideways movement of his head before his face changed. It changed in an instant, every pore suddenly closing up. A standing stone. He knew. He knew what I meant.

‘Oh, aye.’ He carefully let go of my elbow. ‘What am I, then?’

My breath juddered out. I felt like I might need to jump into the loch at any second, into the dark, glistening water. I wondered how cold it would be, if the salt would make my lips sting, if you’d hear me after it closed over my head.