Mike was having the same qualms when he thought about her. He berated himself for being too forward and letting his attraction to her show. He had spent seventeen years using Becky as an excuse for not forming a serious attachment to any woman. His survivor guilt had convinced him that her death on their mission was his fault, despite the fact that agents died in the field every day, and she had been marked by an informant and would have been killed whether Mike was there or not. She was doomed by the informant, not by him. He knew that now, too late. Now he was edging closer to a woman who had already suffered too much and didn’t deserve the risks that his job exposed him to. He vowed to himself that he would do everything he could to get the investigation of the kidnappers brought to the forefront again. It was the best thing he could do for her, and he had no right to be in her life in any other way. He was angry at himself for missing her when he hardly knew her. He wanted to send her flowers for her arrival in Paris but wouldn’t allow himself to.

—

Theo was alone in first class on the trip home, which was a relief. No one was there to stare at her or recognize her. She sat lost in thought watching a movie she paid no attention to, thinking about Mike. Being drawn to him seemed completely unreasonable. She couldn’t wait to get back to Paris and get to work in her office. She had meetings for Matthieu’s company too. She was on the board and an advisor of the company, as she had been for the past ten years. Those responsibilities remained and were even heavier now, with Matthieu gone and unable to run the company himself. His remarkable CEO was doing a great job and consulted Theo on an ongoing, nearly daily basis. Everything she had learned through his company had served her well in her own. She had learned so much from Matthieu, and was grateful for it. He had been an excellent teacher, and a relatively good husband. Even the girl in Moscow didn’t change that, although it tainted things for Theo. It made her question how much he really had loved her. He had never been an entirely one-woman man, even for her. He had never considered them equals, possibly because she was so much younger than he was. She accepted it, because there was no other choice, but it chafed now, as she thought about Mike and made a decision to be faithful to Matthieu’s memory for as long as she could, out of love and respect for him and Axel. Matthieu would have expected that of her, even if he didn’t hold himself to the same standard, and probably wouldn’t have done it for her.

—