Ario lives in White Eagle, a much nicer town fifteen miles away that has actual civilization like movie theaters and bookstores. We met at his local bookstore; he marched right up to me while I was huddled in the LGBTQ section like a frightened cat. This beautiful older boy with dimples and the smoothest skin introduced himself, but all I could do was sweat like he’d caught me shoplifting. He noticed how freaked out I was, both to be spotted in that section and to be approached by someone so…magnetic. He asked for my number, and in my shock, I couldn’t remember the whole thing (was it 4731 or 3471?). He took my phone gently, his fingers briefly grazing across mine, and made a new contact for himself under “Ario Bookstore Cutie” (which I renamed to “Ario Bookstore” to deter any investigations from my spying mother).

When I met Ario, it felt like a longstanding curse was finally breaking. My life was going to be a dreamy gay teen movie, just like it was always supposed to be. That never happened. Ario brought light into my life, but it only made the shadows stronger. Navigating around my mom, the Reverend, school, Vicky, her baby drama, the physical distance of simply getting to Ario…these obstacles didn’t make my new relationship exciting. They robbed me of energy and joy at every possible turn.

That’s when Ario thought me coming out would be the solution. It wasn’t.

What is it that’s so wrong with me? It’s like the whole entire universe is telling me I don’t deserve a boyfriend. Pretty soon, these obstacles will get worse. Ario and I don’t have much IRL time left—next month, he’s leaving for college in Chicago. A three-hour drive away.

Finally, my phone vibrates with Vicky’s response: Hi!! Sorry, I was napping. My mom was giving me a break from Avery. Are you okay??

Me: I’m sorry! Go back to your nap—I’m fine. You never get to sleep.

Vicky: Stop it, I’m up. This heat is totally wretched!

Me: My mom’s convinced herself that I’m Avery’s dad and that I’m ditching you—she’s totally projecting her shit with my dad.

Vicky: Oh God.

Vicky sends a Real Housewives GIF of Bethenny Frankel rolling her eyes.

Vicky: You didn’t tell her about Avery’s dad, did you?

Me: Of course not.

Vicky: Because I know how she gets. It would be ok if you had to tell her to shut her up.

Me: Vicky, stop, I swear I would never tell anyone for any reason.

Vicky: Thank you. I’m sorry. I know it would be easier on you if she knew the truth.

The thing is, it would. We both know who the real father is: when Vicky and I were together, she “cheated” on me (although I was fully neglecting her, so who cares?) with Derrick, her supervisor at the AMC theater in White Eagle. Derrick is twenty-three and she is hardcore in love with him. Even after he suddenly left town, leaving her to give birth alone, she didn’t tell anybody. Her dad would have Derrick arrested. She refuses to do that. She truly believes Derrick is going to have a change of heart and come back any minute.