Jonah seems to realize his mistake and says, “I promise we’ll get them back to you really soon.”

“And anyway,” I add, “you guys need to pop by the witch’s house. You know — Patty? She, um, kidnapped us and then tried to eat us. We tied her with licorice to a tree, but we’re not sure how long that will hold.”

“Got it,” the officer says, saluting me. “Thanks, kids. We’ve been eyeing her for the mysterious disappearance of kids for a while. We’ll take her to the station.”

Hansel and Gretel’s dad nods. “Please tell Hansel and Gretel that they never have to worry about Stephanie again. We’re getting divorced. I can’t stay with a woman who wants me to abandon my children.”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “That’s probably wise.” No need to go into the whole I-think-she’s-about-to-die part, right?

Tweet! Tweet-tweet!

We all look up. It’s the white snowbird — Cauliflower! It’s flying right toward us with a gleaming, evil look in its eye.

“Everyone hide!” the policewoman calls out. “That bird is dangerous.”

We all run for cover.

I grab Jonah, and we press our backs against a large tree. Prince crouches down beside us. Hansel and Gretel’s dad dives behind another tree.

Officer Greenmont pulls out her slingshot and starts shooting pebbles at the bird.

She just misses.

“Ahh,” she mutters. “I’m out. Does anyone have anything else I can shoot?”

Why are people in this fairy tale always running out of pebbles? Wait. I have something. I reach into my jean pockets. “Here!” I cry. “Take my Skittles!” I’ll just keep one for myself. I put one in my back pocket. Two. Three, and that’s it.

She grabs the rest from my hand. “Thanks!”

She shoots once, twice, three times …

And scores! She hits Cauliflower smack in the beak. He comes crashing to the ground, and then she throws a net over him.

There are feathers poking out of the net.

“Oh, tweet!” the bird screeches. “I can’t believe you caught me!”

“I can’t believe you talk!” I say.

“Why wouldn’t I talk?” he asks.

“I … I don’t know,” I say. Fairy lands are weird.

“Why are you helping Patty?” the police woman asks.

“She pays me in sunflower seeds, and in return, I protect her vegetable fields and arrange the sale of her vegetables.”

“Now that she’s going to jail, her farms will belong to everyone,” Officer Greenmont says. “Her jewels, too.”

“You’re the worst,” Cauliflower cries. “And you can’t trap me. I need to be free! I’m a bird!”

“You’ll always be a bird,” the officer says. “But from now on, you’re going to be a jailbird.”

“Hah!” Jonah laughs.

Even Hansel and Gretel’s dad laughs.

The officer smiles at him.

Hmm. I wonder if she could be stepmother number two someday. A much nicer one.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

“We gotta go,” I say. “We’re going to get Hansel and Gretel back to you.”

“Please do,” the dad calls. “Tell them I’ll be at the police station, waiting!”