She took in a deep, shuddering breath as the awful band around her chest dissipated, her fingers gripping the hand holding hers hard. It took her a moment to realize the person whose hand she had in a death grip was Michael’s, while she leaned on Leigh. Across the table, Angel looked like she was about to jump out of Adam’s arms to get to her.

Jake reappeared beside Adam, a short glass with amber liquid in his hand. He put it on the table in front of her. “Here, have a bit of a drink, you’re pale as a sheet.”

“Thanks,” Ellie said, her voice sounding slightly cracked. She blinked back sudden tears as humiliation swamped her.

She hadn’t felt like that in years.

Years.

Then Michael put his arm around her and...

And everything went to hell because her head was all fucked up.

Because she was embarrassingly, horribly damaged. Yeah, this was why she avoided doing the whole ‘more than playing’ thing. All her new friends staring at her with concern, all of them thinking the same thing - ‘What’s wrong with her?’

Ellie drank the entire shot of whiskey in one gulp. At least, she assumed it was either whiskey or bourbon by the tiny bit of flavor she managed to taste. The burn went all the way down her throat, spreading some warmth through her chest. Her fingers tingled. Unfortunately, it didn’t do anything about all the people still staring at her.

Her shoulders hunched forward, as if to ward them off.

“Master Michael? Master Michael, your room is ready.” Ellie recognized Glory’s voice, coming from behind her. Glory was one of the submissives who paid a discounted membership rate to Stronghold in exchange for shifts taking care of the private rooms, helping out Doms after scenes, and cleaning equipment in the Dungeon.

“We’re not going to need it tonight-“ Michael started to say, and Ellie immediately interrupted.

“No! I mean, yes, we still want the room.” She spun in her seat, towards Michael, still holding his hand, so she could see Glory. The blonde submissive looked confused. Looking up at Michael, she could see the concern and hesitation in his face. “Please? It will help, I swear it will.”

Not only would it give her some privacy, but she’d found a play session really could help her regain her lost equilibrium. The pain helped focus her mind on the present rather than the past, and she always felt cleaner afterwards. Calmer. More in control. Sex was easy, especially in Stronghold where she had the final say in everything. She needed that.