When was the last time she’d been in a private room with a dominant who wasn’t Andrew or a sadistic Domme? Whenever it was, she knew the door had always been left open when during all of those scenes, at her request. She already knew she trusted Michael enough to let him close the door, which made her feel panicked for a whole slew of other reasons.

When was the last time she’d actually wanted to have sex with the person dominating her? Sex was definitely not a required part of BDSM, and Ellie had found it was easier to keep the Doms at bay if she made sex one of her hard limits for the scene. It wasn’t one of her club hard limits because sometimes she did want sex, but those times were more about how long it had been and definitely not about the particular dominant.

But she wanted to have sex with Michael.

Would he even want to have sex with her? Or did he only want to scene with her because she’d been running since the day he stepped into the club and he took it personally?

That’s your anxiety talking, Ellie. If you’re nervous, ask, but don’t build up something in your head without any evidence.

The voice in her head always sounded like her therapist, Dr. Amy Evanko. She’d been going to Dr. Amy for years now, so that made sense.

Not that she was going to ask Michael, because deep down she already knew the answer. It was just… sometimes the thoughts in her head got away from her and came up with all sorts of ridiculous scenarios that had the ability to panic her. Like, actually panic - shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, and gut-churning nausea. Dr. Amy worked with her on talking herself down from the ledge whenever she got like that.

Stopping outside of the door to the School Room, Michael frowned down at her. “What’s wrong?”

This is why she knew he wasn’t just into her for the chase. That just wasn’t the kind of guy Michael was. At least, he hadn’t been in high school, and she hadn’t seen any evidence that part of his personality had changed since then.

“Just nervous,” she said.

The smile he gave her was gentle. “We don’t have to do this unless you want you.”

“No! I mean yes,” Ellie said hastily, stumbling over her words, feeling like a little kid who was afraid her treat was about to be taken away. “I want to do this... I’m just... nervous.” She sighed. She sounded like an idiot. A total newbie. Nothing at all like the confident persona she strove for. “Are we going to have sex?”